Whitman Wire

How to Survive These Times: Liberal Snowflake Edition

Maddie Ott, Allergic to Muppets

October 12, 2018

We’ve all been there… your new iPhone 8 vibrates in your pocket and you eagerly glance at it hoping to see a text but are completely blindsided by an Apple News Update that brings your glorious liberal bubble crashing down. Brett Kavanaugh has been voted into the supreme court. Attempting to reco...

Clinton Family Christmas Wish List

Megumi Rierson, Humor Writer

December 1, 2016

The Clintons have seen better days. In the wake of a momentous election and the slow drip of appointments straight from the basket of deplorables, the holidays are bound to be more tense than they were in New Hampshire and Iowa. The Wire has obtained a partial family Christmas wish list to shed some li...

15 Ways that a Thesis Lowers Your Standards

Austin Biehl, staff writer

May 5, 2016

Illustration by Taylor Penner-Ash. You pee sitting down just to have a brief moment of rest. You stop washing dishes and instead start eating off of other household objects. You commence an eight page research paper on the day that it is due because any document less than 60 p...

Silly Squirrely Facts

Tabor Martinsen

September 29, 2011

Ever wanted to know more about the furry-tailed rodents that plague our campus so adorably? Here the Backpage has set out to edify the masses as to what's true about squirrels and what's not true about squirrels. Fact: When born, squirrels are naked, toothless and blind . . . In other words, not ...

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