Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 8
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Club Disbands After Members Exhaust Dating Options

Martina Pansze April 1, 2016
Following a press release on Tuesday, the Whitman Alpine Luge Team (WALT) will be disbanding indefinitely.

I Love My Mom

Jack Swain, staff writer February 18, 2016

I took a shower today. The walls of my shower are made of square tiles. Some of the tiles are white and some of them are light blue. There is a circular metal shower-head at the top of the shower. There...

Backpage rant: Lifestyle choices survey edition

Kyle Seasly February 19, 2015
It's that time of year again when the dude who is rumored to be Kriss Kristofferson's long-lost brother sends out an email entitled "Whitman Lifestyle Choices Survey." When one imagines the Whitman lifestyle, a few images come to mind: eating Walla Walla sweet onions on designated Wednesday evenings, playing frisbee with oversized ham slices on Ankeny, and burying dead townie bodies in the wheat fields after a cultish ritual. Just kidding about that last one, gang. The body would be plowed up in a heartbeat next harvest and would probably take a zombie-like revenge on the farmer.

The Backpage pontificates

Kyle Seasly October 30, 2014
“Don’t talk about poop when trying to woo a woman. This is day-one stuff, kid.”

Whitman College wins award for economic homogeny

Trevor Lewis September 25, 2014
When I discovered Whitman College was ranked first in economic homogeneity out of 91 excellent schools, I was so overcome with elation that I almost spilled cognac all over my ocelot fur robe (that’s 100 percent pure Indonesian ocelot, none of that shit from the Philippines). After hearing the good news, naturally I called my longtime rival in the international yacht derby, close personal friend and Whitman Board of Trustees member John Stanton.

News Briefs

Molly Johanson April 3, 2014
All the news that's fit to print... and then some.
Tale of Wolfman College

Tale of Wolfman College

Melina Hughes October 31, 2013
First there was one... then there was WOLFMAN.
Student Just Wants Burger Instead of Quinoa

Student Just Wants Burger Instead of Quinoa

Melina Hughes September 19, 2013
Tofu in curry instead of chicken, a seemingly extreme amount of hummus, and countless inquiries what seitan actually is... Will the madness ever end!??

First-Year Roomies Not Best Friends

Rosemary Hanson September 19, 2013
Scandal rocked the quiet little community of Lyman just outside of Anderson Friday.... Initial reports seem to indicate that freshmen residents Amanda Norman (’17) of Seattle and Lydia Oscar (’17) of Portland have not developed the strong bond of friendship experienced by most, if not all, Whitman freshmen.

Laywatch

Rosemary Hanson September 19, 2013
The current state of affairs.

Lost & Found

Molly Johanson September 19, 2013
Do you know where your Nalgene is?

Housemates: Heaven or hell

caricortez November 10, 2011
It's about that time of year when you've spent a solid amount of time with your new housemates. And now that you have a handle on their behaviors, you can start developing peeves which will haunt you for at least the rest of the semester.
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