Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Illustration by Anna Stone.

Letter to the Editor: The mystery of my own murder

Sammy Fitts, Experiencing Eternal Damnation February 24, 2022

Dear Allie Cohen, esteemed Editor-in-Chief of The Whitman Wire, I hope this letter reaches you, sorry they only use snail mail here in Hell. My butler Beelzebub told me that this is my only chance...

Illustration by Madeleine Stolp.

Whitman’s Longest Fry account sparks conversation about size

Grace Canny, proponent of radical fry neutrality February 24, 2022

The world shifted on Feb. 8, 2022 when the Instagram account @longestfrywhitman reappeared on our feeds. The two year long hiatus was broken by an extra long sweet potato fry, currently ranked at #2. In...

Couplets for an Early Spring

Carmel Stephan, dry hands, sweaty armpits February 24, 2022

Inspired by the warm temperatures of late, students across campus have been writing poetry. The Whitman Wire has commissioned me, Carmel Stephan, a famed poet, to take poetry submissions for publication...

Illustration by Kimberly Auran.

Outdoor Program under fire after insider trading exposé

Lee Thomas, News Reporter February 24, 2022

Controversy occurred this week as a student working for Whitman College’s Outdoor Program accidentally revealed a financial scheme between himself and a family member who works for Patagonia. The...

Love is(n’t) in the air: Tips for overcoming your post-Valentine’s Day disappointment

Conor Bartol, Call 1-800-LUV-SICK: good relationship advice in 5 minutes or your money back! February 17, 2022

For many, Valentine’s day can also be a source of great disappointment, a time of unreciprocated feelings, bad breakups and love poems landing with all the poignancy and emotional impact of a dog turd...

3 dead, 16 injured at latest biology department plant giveaway

Lee Thomas, More brown-thumbed than green-thumbed February 17, 2022

More chaos than usual unfolded last Friday afternoon outside the science building greenhouse as the standard stampede of proud plant-parents-to-be went particularly wild, leaving three Whitties trampled...

Illustration by Kai Bowen.

Opera student disappears after last week’s performance, note left by phantom of Chism.

Carmel Stephan, at this point just a mop of dry, brittle hair February 17, 2022

Now some of you may not know, but in the rafters of the music building lurks the Phantom of Chism. An ageless man of about 6 and a half feet, he wears a cape of heavy wool and gold lamè lining and smells...

Illustration by Anna Stone.

Whitman president fired due to the scandalous “promise of a Walla Walla sweet onion”

Grace Canny, Root Vegetable Enthusiast February 17, 2022

Last Monday, outgoing president Kathy Murray was prematurely fired due to an incident involving Gmail, an unnamed faculty member, and the Walla Walla Sweet Onion. It appears, from the stash of emails,...

Wire Watch: Week of February 8

Michelle Foster, A&E Editor February 8, 2018

"Creating Kin(d)" Stevens Gallery Opening: Thursday, Feb. 8 at 4:00 p.m. in the Stevens Gallery, there will be an opening reception of "Creating Kin(d)," a photography exploration of connecting with others...

Mariam Eqbal Opens New Avenues to Animation

Michelle Foster, A&E Editor February 8, 2018

Those who attended Mariam Eqbal’s talk on Thursday, Feb. 1 experienced different kind of animation than the traditional, mainstream animation of Pixar or DreamWorks. Eqbal, an experimental animator who...

Annelise Ellingboe, Noah Dunn, Scott Nonweiler, Michael Conlin-Elsen

The Voice of Walla Walla Fosters Collaboration

Michelle Foster, A&E Editor February 8, 2018

The three colleges in the Walla Walla Valley united for a night of music with “The Voice of Walla Walla,” the first ever tri-college singing competition between the schools. Eleven contestants...

Hari Kondabolu Is No Joke

Hari Kondabolu Is No Joke

Alasdair Padman, Staff Reporter February 8, 2018

On Friday, February 3, comedian Hari Kondabolu took to the stage in Reid basement to deliver a brilliant range of liberal arts-themed jokes. He began the evening with a clever discussion of the college's...

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