Couplets for an Early Spring

Carmel Stephan, dry hands, sweaty armpits

Inspired by the warm temperatures of late, students across campus have been writing poetry. The Whitman Wire has commissioned me, Carmel Stephan, a famed poet, to take poetry submissions for publication in the Wire.

This first poem is written by Alex Newsworth, a pathetic overachiever.
Mid Semester Chills

I’ve got a crick in neck and one in my back too
But not from anything fun, I’ve got too many goddamn papers due

The sun shines bright and I want to go out and play
But I’m tied to this cold dark dank desk, and I can’t get away.
Well that was depressing.

This next poem is by Finely Green, an avid runner too slow to be on Cross Country.
A Moment In The Woods

The sun was out and the skies were clear
So I went for a run without any fear

Oh, how I was wrong
And how I wish my memory of that day was gone

For when I got seven miles out
A problem began to sprout

My colon, activated by my jostling and churning
Made my anus scream with an overbearing burning

I had to take a shit so bad, it was so hard to fight
And of course there were no bathrooms in sight

I did what I had to do, because I wasn’t about to poop my pants
So I went into the bushes, beared down and entered a trance

And there in the woods I left a turd so huge
I heard some park rangers had to pile it onto a luge.

Damn. Can’t say that happens to the best of us.

The last poem for this week is by Sam Armwoll, a virgin.
We sit by each other in class and you’ve got great eyebrows

I’ve witnessed you outside without your mask twice, and we’ve made eye contact thrice now

Even though we’ve never talked, I’d say it’s getting pretty serious
Or, you know, I might just be delirious
Well that’s it for this week, but I’m still accepting submissions through March, so email me at [email protected] if you have any poems you’d like to share.