Look around. Everyone, from chemistry majors to politics majors, leaves Whitman in hopes of finding some kind of job or internship in their field of study but will inevitably end up working as a barista in their hometown. Unfortunately, that is just the way it is. Trust me, as an environmental studies major, I have grown comfortable with my future surroundings at Peet’s Coffee.

Like many students aiming for something other than making coffee at 8 a.m. for a living, I have spent a decent amount of time on LinkedIn. It’s the perfect site for people that love social media but love talking about their current employment status even more. Among the “inspirational” posts and the AI-generated slop, you may be lucky enough to find a job posting, in which case you’ll get the opportunity to compete with thousands of other barista-bound college students with resumes much more impressive than your own.

If that doesn’t spark confidence, then I don’t know what will. I have been looking for a job for years. If only I knew that I should be getting work experience as a toddler, I may have actually had a chance. Unfortunately, I wasn’t working when I was four; I was busy watching Adventure Time.

To make matters worse, students trying to break the post-college, latte-making cycle are not alone on LinkedIn. They’re joined by millions of middle-aged people whose dreams haven’t been crushed by the nine to five. Some of them have been working in an office for the past 10 years, but one LinkedIn member used to be the president of the United States of America.

Barack Obama is on LinkedIn and his work history is much more impressive than my own. How is anyone supposed to find a job when the former president of the United States is your competition? You can’t.

So to anyone out there thinking about giving up on the job hunt, rather than moping around doing nothing with your day, consider learning how to make a good cup of coffee or becoming the president of the United States.