Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Gisten Tavin and the Order of the Duck

A few months ago, a gorgeous up-and-coming young writer broke the story of the much rumored Chamber of TKErets and its alleged opening. Well, it was opened, that’s for sure. Nobody really knows if it got closed, actually. That should probably be checked on… Anyway, we return to the four houses of Whitman College: the SIGendors, the HufflePHIs, the BETAclaws and the SlytherTKEs in order to discuss the newly formed WA––Watercrossings’s Army.

Just recently, Jorge Watercrossings, beloved president of Whitman College, announced his impending retirement. Many of Watercrossings’s supporters believe his graceful exit in a burst of flame, caused by his beloved pet duck, is not due to his own volition. No, Watercrossings is being forced out by the Ministry, and people like Bright’s Fudge and Taqueria Umbridge, who claim Watercrossings is guilty of polluting the minds of students with such nonsense as the return of … of … gosh, what’shisname … umm … THE RETURN OF WHATSHISNAME.

Students of Whitman College, led by Gisten Tavin, Ryan Bro and Sathan Nanny, have banded together in order to form Watercrossings’s Army in support of our wronged president and in order to learn truly how to defend themselves from Whatshisname.

Members of WA have started an aggressive letter-writing campaign to the Ministry demanding Watercrossings’s reinstatement as president for forever. A reply has not yet been received from Minister Bright’s Fudge, but perhaps sending a few more passive-aggressive letters attached to ducks will get him to listen! As for their defensive training against Whatshisname, the members of the WA have been sharpening No. 2 pencils until their points are deadly and have been learning to fight by hitting each other with some twigs. At least they seem to be having a lot of fun so far.

If you would like to join the super secret Watercrossings’s Army, please contact Gisten Tavin or stop by one of their meetings, which are held Tuesdays at 4:30 p.m. at the Collville Street Patisserie. You may want to bring some money for a nice warm butterbeer.

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