Meghan Kearney, never been in a relationship at Whitman
• April 25, 2024
Commitment issues are spreading through Whitman like an STD, with one situationship after another infecting the campus. It can start from a simple Tinder swipe, a drunken conversation at a party, or...
Glance at your semester bill - past the gym fees you never use because climbing the Hall of Science stairs counts as cardio - and you’ll find the ASWC fees. Ever wonder where all that money goes? Let’s...
Grace Canny, currently going around the block
• April 25, 2024
You have a crush. Yay! But none of your friends know them. Boo. You really wish you had twin telepathy or some sort of biotechnology that can display an image in your mind to a group. Ok, I guess that...
You may have recently noticed a trend in the styling choices of Whitman students toward tousled bangs, thick wool coats and pointed horns up to three feet in length. Before you try to imitate this...
George Groebner, spokesman for the untimely
• April 18, 2024
If buildings could make wishes, the Memorial Building would probably wish that ducks could read analog clock faces. Beyond that, however, it’s difficult to think of anything this glorious edifice...
Meghan Kearney, short enough to fit in a wallet
• April 18, 2024
Whitman’s campus community excels at most woke subjects, with their efforts ranging from showcasing diversity on the covers of their brochures to limiting open discussions in classrooms to prevent politically...
In a groundbreaking announcement that has students and Circle K parking lot dwellers alike buzzing with excitement, Whitman College has revealed its innovative plan to combat soaring tuition costs: converting...
Grace Canny, in of doors (indoors if you will)
• April 18, 2024
Canadian company Modern Campus (previously known as Presence) has come under increasing scrutiny for the role it plays in collecting student information as a foreign company. However, the real truth...
Hellooooo, sports fans! Are you ready for the latest innovation in throwing objects long distances, maintaining balance on slick surfaces and other feats of athletic prowess? Get ready for the Eraser...
Meghan Kearney, currently following the paper-trail
• April 11, 2024
You may have noticed the presence of 20 million copies of The Wire distributed around campus. However, what may have escaped your notice is the transition to fresh editions each week, leaving readers...
Conor Bartol, something of an undergraduate researcher myself
• April 11, 2024
Ah, the Undergraduate Conference: a momentous day of rigorous research, academic inquiry, startling results, salient questions and a free lunch. What could be better? The only problem with the Conference...
Arham Khan, Intro To Climbing graduate
• April 11, 2024
In yet another scandalous revelation surrounding Greek Life, an anonymous source has disclosed that a fraternity's hazing practices have taken a sinister turn. The new pledges, eager to prove their...
