Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Illustration by Helios Santoro

Student who Learned Too Broadly tells all

Grace Canny, I know my business here November 2, 2023

On Nov. 1st, she arrived at Penrose Library’s front desk in a haggard state. She smelled like she’d been soaking in Enlighten Mint Yerba Mate and her hand was reflexively curled in perfect 0.5...

Illustration by Astrid Ketcham.

In between presidents: Kathy Murray v. Sarah Bolton

Rachel Husband, Yes, it's me again May 12, 2022

Here’s the truth: I am deeply saddened to see Kathy Murray leave Whitman College. She brought me fame, a weensy fortune and a wealth of joy in my time as a humor writer and editor for The Wire.  I’ve...

Illustration by Madi Welch.

Kathy Murray destitute as Sarah Bolton moves in early

Grace Canny, North Hall Morgue Cadaver May 5, 2022

Well folks, it finally happened, Kathy’s reign has come to an end. Sarah Bolton blew into town with the fervor of a Walla Walla tumbleweed on a windy day and quickly instituted some regime changes....

Illustration by Kimberly Auran.

Make Your Own Humor Article!

Conor Bartol, A(n) [adjective] [noun] April 7, 2022

Whitman College was shocked today by news of a(n) (adjective) ________ scandal involving a(n) (adjective) _________ (noun) _________. (your favorite professor)__________, (adjective)________ member...

Washington State dropped its mask mandate. Will Whitman?

Lily Yost, News Writer February 24, 2022

On March 21, masks will no longer be required indoors in Washington State, leaving Whitman with the choice to change their protocols.  “We think this is both good for our health and our education...

Illustration by Anna Stone.

Whitman president fired due to the scandalous “promise of a Walla Walla sweet onion”

Grace Canny, Root Vegetable Enthusiast February 17, 2022

Last Monday, outgoing president Kathy Murray was prematurely fired due to an incident involving Gmail, an unnamed faculty member, and the Walla Walla Sweet Onion. It appears, from the stash of emails,...

Breaking: College requires COVID-19 booster 

Allison Cohen, Editor-in-Chief December 13, 2021

Whitman is officially requiring all members of the campus community receive a COVID-19 booster by Jan. 15, 2022.  The decision was announced in an email from President Kathy Murray sent on Dec. 13...

Reinstatement of the “Big Bang” Act

Ben Kearney, Is this even legal? December 2, 2021

Signed into effect by the Board Of Trustees at 6:09a.m., Nov. 25, 2021. Purpose & History On Sept. 12 2017, the Board of Trustees authorized the ban of all fireworks across Whitman College...

So you’re going to have to poop in college and other first year dilemmas

Carmel Stephan, Shit or get off the pot please. September 16, 2021

This summer, as you sat your bare ass down on the porcelain throne, it may have occurred to you that this level of comfort would soon cease to exist. You wouldn’t be pooping in your private residence...

Illustration by Lily Buller.

Five things that you can do with your money instead of tipping at the Walla Walla Steak Company on April 17, 2021

Cade Schott, Journalist and not afraid of a little pee May 6, 2021

Several weeks ago it was reported that Kathy Murray failed to leave a tip after her dinner at the Walla Walla Steak Co. Below is a response to the backlash from the soon-to-be former president of Whitman...

“As close to ‘normal’ as possible”: Whitman announces plans for in-person fall semester, vaccinations required

Lena Friedman, Staff Reporter April 29, 2021

Whitman announced last week that vaccinations will be mandatory for all students next fall — following suit with colleges across the country that are planning for a semester reminiscent of pre-COVID...

AAUP pushes for “open search” process for new college president

Rosa Woolsey, Staff Reporter April 15, 2021

The Board of Trustees will soon begin their search for a successor to President Kathy Murray, who announced that she would be retiring from Whitman after the 2021-2022 school year. Arielle Cooley,...

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