Kathy Murray destitute as Sarah Bolton moves in early

Grace Canny, North Hall Morgue Cadaver

Illustration by Madi Welch.

Well folks, it finally happened, Kathy’s reign has come to an end. Sarah Bolton blew into town with the fervor of a Walla Walla tumbleweed on a windy day and quickly instituted some regime changes. Her first few agenda items included 1) 900 thread count sheets for the poor souls of Marcus House and other isolation spaces, 2) Lakum Duckum V.2 and 3) President Murray’s immediate removal from Sherwood House.

This left our not-yet-former president with few options. She could turn to the listserv for a room, but feared the unique public humiliation that might befall her there (nice house, who the fuck cares). She had the option to set up camp in the Science building, because the 3rd floor couches are awfully cozy. However, Kathy decided to move to the one place that would always have room: North Hall.

The RAs of North Hall did their best to be accommodating. They decorated her door with a cute sign, Kathy M., Walla Walla, WA. They treated her to the finest North delicacies: a blueberry Chobani greek yogurt and a mini bottle of 2% milk.

Kathy really seemed to be enjoying her stay. She quickly figured out the mainstream North activities like the roof access, which she enjoyed with her newfound neighbors. But some of North Hall culture she didn’t jive with, like the bi-weekly seances in the morgue.

Notably, some of Kathy’s hallmates didn’t jive with her culture. An unnamed resident of the third floor said, “I had no issues with her as a president, but she is flat out unsupportive of our efforts to practice light witchcraft.”

Another North Haller commented on Kathy’s shower soundtrack, “I would say I have a really underground music taste—The Pixies but just that one song, Mac DeMarco, The Smiths, Radioheadbut she chooses to play some weird artists I’ve never heard of, like I think it’s called DeathGrips? Kinda disturbing…” Interesting choice, DJ Kathy.

For the residents of North Hall, May 19 could not come soon enough. May she not go out with not a bang, but with the thumping baseline of her favorite experimental hip hop group.