Whitman Wire

In the News this Week

Anthony Reale, MySpace Guru

April 6, 2017

Area man disappointed to find no whittling classes at Whitman College Feminism discovered to be cure for most serious diseases Campus celebrates as DVD screensaver hits exact corner of television screen Marrra having the fucking time of her life away from The Wire All vegans on earth reveal secret...

Headlines

Trevor Lewis, Humor Writer

December 8, 2016

Your Mom’s Gonna Love That New Ying-Yang Face Tattoo   “Why are Finals?” and Other Questions Asked in the Quiet Room at 4:00a.m.   Local First-Year Can’t Wait to Continue Not Giving a Shit about Calculus over Break   This Week’s Forecast: Hoth, with a substantial...

This week in politics

Jeffrey Gustaveson, Humor Writer

December 1, 2016

--Fidel Castro figures Trump Presidency as good a time as any to peace out --Reince Priebus revokes President-elect Trump’s Twitter access until he finishes last bite of steak --Nation’s liberals start believing in Santa for lack of better option --Report: Tryptophan to be used in Middle East...

In The News

Ben Freedman, Humor Editor

November 10, 2016

MONDAY Study: BBMB Majors choose course of study solely for intellectual self-aggrandizement TUESDAY Thanksgiving dinner with Wisconsin extended family poses foreseeable conflict WEDNESDAY Beginning rock climbing reportedly “quite chill” THURSDAY Cute guy down the hall seems interested FRIDAY Board of Trustees bla...

In The News

April 1, 2016

THIS JUST IN: Parents just really think you should major in BBMB “Honey, your cousin Tim majored in Biology at the U, and he’s in med school now! And remember, there’ll always be sick people in the world to care for, but how long do you think there’ll be people willing to read your critical r...

This Week In Politics

Jeffrey Gustaveson, staff writer

February 18, 2016

--Nation surprised when reminded that Supreme Court is still a thing --Ted Cruz announces plans to nominate himself to Supreme Court if elected --Anonymous source: Jeb Bush apparently still running for president   --Sanders campaign targets key arsonist demographic with new “Feel the Bern” ...

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