We interrupt our showcase of geopolitical chaos and lightly intriguing local happenings to bring you drama of utmost importance! A student of Whitman has just recently been exposed for not liking [Niche Popular Thing], an utter travesty of the social contract. How this utter disdain of [Niche Popular Thing] came about staggers even our brightest reporters and fact checkers to no end. But nonetheless, it has caused the vast majority of the campus who are enjoyers of [Niche Popular Thing] to revolt against the offending student.
The student in question was recently taken in by the Witness Protection Program as a means of protecting them from backlash. While an extreme measure, it is one we at The Whitman Wire respect and honor, even if some of us also like [Niche Popular Thing]. The resulting riot of this revelation has brought the campus to a near breaking point, one which has no clear resolution. Even people outside of the student body, from professors to bystanders — especially the geese — are mad.
“I just find that [Niche Popular Thing] is not up my alley,” this student said to us in an interview. “People can like [Niche Popular Thing], but I don’t get why disliking it is so much worse than disliking [Popular Thing].”
It should be noted that [Niche Popular Thing] has grown to be much more widely adopted among median viewers. Being a [Installment] of [Niche Thing Grouping], it has only recently begun to overshadow [Popular Thing Grouping] within the space of [Genre] [Media Format]. However, several incidents of people calling [Niche Popular Thing] mid or even worse than [Unpopular Thing] has resulted in sudden outrages against the offenders. It has gotten so bad that [Niche Popular Thing] can barely even be said out loud in [Public Gathering Space] without spontaneous outbursts of [Illegal Activity].
This trend in relation to [Niche Popular Thing] has become ever worrying and threatens the entire image of [Genre] [Media Format]. Personally, I fear the day when we say that [Niche Popular Thing] truly is worse than [Previously Popular Thing]- and that’s a pipe bomb in my—
