Due to changes to the school printing policy, you are currently holding the last print edition of The Wire. Unless you’re reading this online, in which case you’re missing out on a collectible item which may potentially be worth up to $5 some day.

Many people like physical newspapers for a variety of reasons: you can performatively read them in public, you can cut out the pictures to glue in your scrap book and if you roll them up they can be very effectively used against the most recent wasp infestation. If you are one of those people who enjoys a physical paper, the school has a message for you. “Too bad! The environment is an important concern, and a newspaper just isn’t as big of a priority as keeping the campus sprinkler system running 24/7.”

To ease the adjustment, The Wire will be uploading a PDF to our website for every edition, so you can print your own physical copy if you want to. If you choose to do that, however, you need to be careful, since the most recent addition to the Whitman staff is someone to stand by the printers in the library and publicly shame anyone who prints more than two pages.

While all this may seem harsh, the administration has been quick to reassure the community that these policies are just temporary. “We’re just trying this out,” a representative said. “And if it doesn’t work, we’ll cut something else crucial instead.”