Child who received weed Halloween candy realizes he’s more of an indica kid


Illustration by Anika Vucicevic

AQ, Stinky Doctor Woman

On Thursday of last week, the day of dress-up and ghoulish delights, every clickbait-vulnerable parent’s worst nightmare came true. An 11-year-old, Little Johnny, received some assorted edibles in exchange for a “trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat” while dressed up as Kurt Cobain. In order to truly play the part, as his startled parents noted, he didn’t shower for a whole week to prepare for his costume. After the child went out as the ’90s grunge artist, he came home and dug into his goods — some of which were grape and green apple edibles. “I thought ‘sativa’ was some sort of fancy chocolate. I’m only 11,” Little Johnny responded.

He claimed feelings of heightened senses and crazy vibes, as well as urges to draw, munch his candy and watch “Monsters, Inc.” He didn’t get through all of his candy until Friday, though, when he tried the indica candies. He stated that after eating them he had “much better vibes” for he “just wanted to chill and hang.” Little Johnny’s mother noticed something was off when she saw him looking at the family dog and gently swaying while giggling too hard. “The dog was just laying there snoozing; that’s when I asked him what candies he had and he revealed candy wrappers that were actually edibles. I went into a huge panic and flushed the rest of his candy and all of our candy and baking goods down the toilet. Our plumbing has failed because of that, but I’m just happy he’s alright.” 

The suspect, a man named Reggie, has been arrested after a Facebook status admitted the whole crime. He posted, “Just gave the sickest little viber some of my potty goods! This little bro came dressed up as a legendary rocker Kurty Cobain (rip my man) and I definitely knew he wanted to chill, but I don’t think he’d know his strains yet, so I just had to give him my hybrids. Chill on, little man!” Reggie is being held at the local prison and will face trial sometime next month.