Taqueria Takeover

Tristan Gavin

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While junior Guchi Ogenta has been abroad in Japan, big changes have hit the Walla Walla community, causing him to reevaluate his life. After a Facebook post by a girl he became platonically involved with after last semester’s “cuddle puddle,” Ogenta’s world was shattered.

Just three words left him crushed, broken, wrecked, destroyed, torn and ruined with nothing to do but read his thesaurus.

The post read, “Is Berny’s gone or something? I drove by and was like ‘Taqueria Mi Pueblito?’ WTF is that? Then I heard Taqueria bought it and was like ‘Okay, that’s chill.'” Ogenta was struck by just three of the words. “Berny’s” … “Gone” … “Taqueria.”

Ogenta loved Berny’s. Like a weird amount. So when it was brought to his attention that his beloved taco restaurant had undergone a change in ownership, he was irate.

Asked by The Pioneer to describe his feelings, Ogenta reported, ”                                                       .”

Ogenta admitted to having brought 200 Berny’s tacos with him to Japan in his carry-on, knowing there might not be a Berny’s Tacos in Japan.

“Those were some good-ass tacos. The other taco meats were good, too,” Ogenta added.

When asked to describe the cuisine of Japan, Ogenta responded, “What does it even mean that Berny’s is Taqueria now? Do they own the tacos I brought with me? Do they own the tacos I already ate? What doesn’t Taqueria own?”

At this point in the interview, Ogenta excused himself to kick a puppy out of anger.

“I am sick and tired of big companies buying out the ‘madre y padre’ small businesses that this country is founded upon,” Ogenta added when asked to elaborate on the vegan options offered by Japanese restaurants.

Ogenta then used Bing to search “Taqueria” and was astonished to find that the Taqueria was actually an international chain with many other Taquerias under different names.

“Taqueria Dos Manos in San Jose, California. Taqueria Authentico in Seattle, Washington. Taqueria Leche de Tejon in Vancouver, British Columbia. Taqueria Mi Perro Tiene Pulgas in London, England. How many restaurants does this Taqueria guy need?”

Ogenta is boycotting the new “Taqueria” while in Japan and swears he will never eat there when he gets back, no matter how drunk he gets.

“I used to love Berny’s options like the California burrito, the Walla Walla burrito, and the fish tacos. Taqueria just can’t offer what Berny’s did.”

Until Ogenta gets back, we might not know the true consequences of the change in ownership.

“I’m so D, dog,”  he said. The d apparently stood for “mad” because the m and the a were “silent letters.”