George Lucas Admits He’s a Dirty Whore for Four Billion

Kyle Seasly


What’s the difference between the cast of “Jackass” and George Lucas? George Lucas will do anything for money. Indeed, it seems that the creator of “Star Wars” has completely sold out … again.

On Oct. 30, George Lucas announced that Disney would be buying for $4 billion, and with it came another “Star Wars” movie, to be released in 2015. Lucas, however, failed to read the fine print. In the contract, Lucas has to say on Disney Channel, probably on a “That’s So Raven” commercial break, that he is a dirty whore before he can cash the check and spend it drowning his sorrows of selling out his once great creation. Before he went on air he spoke, “Do or do not. There is no try when it comes to selling out.”

In an exclusive Skype session with Lucas from his California home, he noted, “I will literally do anything for money.” He also said that he “would have made Jar Jar Binks the hero of ‘Star Wars’ if I would have seen a few more dollars. But I guess he was a little too racist for that.”

This deal also comes in lieu of George Lucas’ editing of “Indiana Jones” and the original “Star Wars” films, where he deemed the original material too rough on the edges and less marketable. He also managed to get one of the worst actors of all time to play Anakin Skywalker.

Some fans, in protest, wear shirts which state, “Han shot first,” which may be the last hope for the integrity of nerdom. (If you don’t know, Lucas edited the DVD release to make it so it looked liked Greedo shot first when Solo did in the original version.)

Lucas ended his Skype session stating, “Sure, I may have butchered the originals when I re-released them, have totally maimed the ‘Star Wars’ franchise by making episodes 1, 2 and 3, but this time I’m going to let Disney share in the fun.”