Whitman to change mascot to ‘Reverse Cowgirl’

Kyle Seasly

Illustration by Emily Jones

That one guy who wears the bow tie announced recently that Whitman College would “finally be changing that awful mascot.”

“I really don’t give a [expletive] about history or tradition or any of that [expletive],” said the President. “Yeah! Go Me! Bow ties for everyone!”

He gave energetic high-fives to staff members and walked off the stage.

Despite this very unprofessional “chill conference” (his term), he failed to announce what the new mascot will be.

“I’m so glad we’re getting rid of sexism on this campus. We’re, like, so sick of it and stuff,” said a group of Kappa Kappa Gammas.

The administration announced, surprisingly, that the new mascot would be the “Reverse Cowgirl.”

The Backpage sat down in an exclusive interview with the President to see why the switch took place.

“How’s that for reversing the trend? Did you see what I did there?” said the President.

The Backpage asked him why he changed the mascot and what the obvious implications of the switch were.
“What?” said the President. “It’s just the edge we need over other liberal arts colleges. Pomona never saw this coming.

The Missionary was just too traditional and, frankly, a little sexist. The Reverse Cowgirl is a symbol of the old west, and it empowers women. I mean, it’s ‘cowgirl’, right?”

When asked whether he knew what he was talking about, the President admitted he did not.

As to be expected, some groups are not very happy about this change. Unexpectedly, however, many members of fraternities are not happy.

“It’s just really hard to chant … especially when you’ve had a couple ices. Am I right?” said sophomore Robbie MacNichol, an avid sports fan and attendee.

The President has indeed alienated many with this decision. Lord only knows what he’s got in store for us next.