Unfair: Whitman Student Has Ridiculously Productive Break


Illustration by Nathaly Pérez

AQ, Crab Cake Organizer

“I am just as surprised and relieved as you are!”

Whitman junior Rodney Rodnus exclaimed and assumed of the interviewer regarding his shockingly productive Thanksgiving break. Rodney is one of one student(s) who feel that they made above and beyond of their time spent over this past week off. He went into the week needing to finish three readings (one short story and two whole 300+ page novels), two problem sets, a lab report, a take-home test and two research papers of 10-15 pages.
“I honestly don’t know how the hell I did it. In a fit of stress going into the break, I told myself ‘now I only need to put in 13 hours of work per day and I should get just about everything done.’ Well, to my surprise I had more time on my hands than I thought! Not only did I complete all of that with time for revisions, but I played BANANAGRAMS® and Monopoly® with my younger cousins for seven hours, went on a daily hike with my dogs, sang holiday carols for non-profit charity fundraisers outside of ethical local shops, went out for drinks with my high school friends most nights, volunteered to cook both the turkey and tofurkey (nana’s vegan), caught up on two Netflix seri–
Rodney’s face turned blue at this point due to running out of air. He took a second to catch his breath and shifted in his chair.
“Woofta, sorry there, I ran out of breath. BUT I also thought to do some light pleasure reading. Well, I was so struck by my reread of “Les Miserables,” I submitted an English article for peer-review about its pertinence in the post-modern era. I also snatched a copy of Michelle Obama’s latest release “Becoming,” but decided to just read it in the Barnes and Noble, to give someone else a chance to buy it. Those just flew off the shelves! I am definitely Amazon-ordering myself a copy, though, because how empowering!”

In a fit of self-hatred and remembrance of their own work-load, the interviewer cut the interview short before Rodney’s closing remarks. Who knows if he had any. This is a rare and unfai– I mean inspiring– story of Whitman’s finest. The Wire wishes Rodney well on his seemingly many, successful future endeavors.

Illustration by Nathaly Pérez