Pioneer to Feature Only Divestment Articles

Sarah Cornett

Following increased pressure from students, the editorial board of The Pioneer has decided to forgo its normal publishing material to exclusively feature articles about the divestment movement.

The change will take place immediately and will alter the layout of The Pioneer‘s sections.  The following are the new section titles:

News: “Thoughts from Junior Collin Smith”

Feature: “Bill McKibben’s dog”

A&E: “ASWC and Edamame”

Backpage: “Divestment crosswords and illustrations of trees”

Sports: “Divestment activists’ IM dodgeball team: ultimate underdogs”

In addition, The Pioneer will henceforth be known as The Divestment Space Odyssey 350 and will no longer be printed on paper.  Instead, the Divestment Space Odyssey 350 will be printed on recycled Bon Appétit bowls.

Senior divestment activist Vaudrey Aughn said campus divestment activists knew this change was inevitable.

The Pio is shy to admit how much we mean to them, but now it’s out in the open. Let’s be real, what else is there to talk about at this school?”

However, not everyone has reacted to this change with celebration. Board of Trustees Chair Veter Pan Poppen questioned the practicality and economic feasibility of the shift and what it said about the priorities of the college. After careful deliberation, the Board of Trustees released a statement questioning the decision.

“We have concluded that divestment in these companies is not in the best Pinterest of Whitman College,” read the letter sent out to students. “To maintain the health and relevancy of our Pinterest, divestment in these companies would not be prudent at this time,” it concluded.

Whitman’s Pinterest has grown in followers in recent years due to the “Now is the Time for Pinterest” campaign. Pan Poppen stressed in an interview with Divestment Odyssey 350 that though he appreciated student activism, the health of the Whitman Pinterest trumped those concerns.

Sophomore ASWC Vice President Pack Jercival also said the change was representative of an idea long in development.

“I knew this would happen eventually. I’m secretly a little disappointed that the original plan to change the name to Jack and Rim Teed Super Fan <3 wasn’t carried out, but we all know that’s basically already a thing.”