Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 4
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

November & December Circuit Horoscopes

Aries: You will encounter a ferocious squirrel this week that will stop at nothing to get a bite of your Graze turkey sandwich.

Taurus: Your section-mate will share their taco shells with queso sauce with you, becoming the highlight moment of your week.

Gemini: Your excitement about the return of the 2012 Semester in the West crew will be dampened when you realize your best friend was adopted by a pack of coyotes in New Mexico.

Cancer: You will delete your Twitter this week as you begin your search for jobs after Whitman, saying goodbye to your only thorough collection of fun memories from college.

Leo: Your week will become frustrating as you are hit on the head by a leaf every single time you cross Ankeny Field.

Virgo: You will be the unfortunate victim of an 8 a.m. Sunday Prentiss fire drill, as you are the only boy present in the courtyard while everyone is filing out.

Libra: Your plans to study in the quiet room this week will be foiled, as you find yourself waking up three hours later on one of those comfy LoveSacs.

Scorpio: You will question the sanity of your old section-mates when they knock on the door of your off-campus house asking for candy two months after Halloween.

Sagittarius: Fond memories of Thanksgiving will quickly turn frightening when the ghost of your turkey dinner begins haunting your dreams.

Capricorn: Your encounter with a cool peacock at the aviary will inspire you to dye part of your hair blue.

Aquarius: After months of searching, you will encounter a Whittie significant other on an anonymous online forum.

Pisces: You will find, to your dismay, that you do not own two of the same type of socks, forcing you to wear mismatched socks forever.

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