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Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLVI, CIRCUIT
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Mild, Justifiable Stalking

Olivia Banuelos, Supersleuth April 17, 2025

I just liked a Facebook post from 2012.  How I got here, I really don’t know. It’s been maybe five minutes. All I wanted was a little context, and now I’ve been caught red handed by his 4th grade...

Seeking My Academic Nemesis

Seeking My Academic Nemesis

AJ Johnson, Who loves ya, Mrs. K? April 17, 2025

Adjusting to college is hard. My friends and family are thousands of miles away, so I’ve had to build myself a new support system. The people I’ve met are incredible, but there’s still something...

Senioritis Sonnet

Olivia Banuelos, American Poet April 10, 2025

Do I have a job lined up after I graduate? No. Do I have housing or financial security? No. After four years, do I feel ready to face the world on my own in the slightest? No! But… if one thing is true,...

The Newest Trend in Gaming: Competitive Balatro-Solitaire

The Newest Trend in Gaming: Competitive Balatro-Solitaire

Ben Kearney, Bronze Rank Player April 10, 2025

I will not lie to you (at least in this sentence), but things are quite dire in the realm of money, and especially video games. Many people are up in arms over the recently announced tariffs, as it’s...

HEADLINES YOU MISSED: Some things to ponder while in class

April 10, 2025

Did I lock my car? Is my fly unzipped? Can everyone smell my breath? What should I have for dinner? When was the last time I hugged my mom? When are taxes due? Did the person next to...

How Campus Looks From a Tall Perspective

How Campus Looks From a Tall Perspective

Meghan Kearney, five feet tall April 10, 2025

I got stepped on today. I was heading to class when the weight of a giant’s leg creased my foot. I wasn’t mad, though. I just thought: Being tall must be nice.  At five feet, I don’t know...

Healing from my Trauma: That One Mormon Situationship

Healing from my Trauma: That One Mormon Situationship

AJ Johnson, secretly hoping this article will reach her April 10, 2025

That’s right, I was in a Mormon situationship. And by “situationship,” I actually mean “pathetic, one-sided yearning neither addressed nor reciprocated for almost four years.” I came out...

The Bizarre and Wonderful World of Parody Porn

AJ Johnson, Don’t read this one, mom March 13, 2025

Spring break is almost upon us and my well of inspiration has been all but tapped. I considered begging my boss for a week off, but I couldn’t give up yet! I still had one more trick up my sleeve: plagiarism....

A point system to keep you entertained while driving

A point system to keep you entertained while driving

Olivia Banuelos, Driving Instructor March 13, 2025

Tired of the same old commute? Wish there was a little more spice on your drive to work? Well, buckle up because this new game will keep you alert, entertained and questioning your own morality the...

How to Dress Like a Whitman Student

How to Dress Like a Whitman Student

Meghan Kearney, Currently Wearing a Puffer March 13, 2025

The great thing about Whitman is that you won’t have to put in much effort keeping up with fashion since you only need to shop at two places – REI and the bins at Goodwill. But, if you’re...

Big Droopy Dad Scrotum

Big Droopy Dad Scrotum

Nick Pecora, Men’s Health reporter March 13, 2025

The Scrotum is a thin layer of skin that protects and contains the testicles. It is also a funny little bag that holds the balls. Whether you have one or you’ve seen one, Big Droopy Dad Scrotum affects...

My Editor Won’t Let Me Write About Ducks

My Editor Won’t Let Me Write About Ducks

AJ Johnson, too busy complaining about her editor to write a byline March 6, 2025

I’ve been working at The Whitman Wire for a semester and a half, and for the most part, I’ve been treated well. My deadlines aren’t too strict, and I get along with the other Humor section writers....

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