I just liked a Facebook post from 2012.
How I got here, I really don’t know. It’s been maybe five minutes. All I wanted was a little context, and now I’ve been caught red handed by his 4th grade...
AJ Johnson, Who loves ya, Mrs. K?
• April 17, 2025
Adjusting to college is hard. My friends and family are thousands of miles away, so I’ve had to build myself a new support system. The people I’ve met are incredible, but there’s still something...
Do I have a job lined up after I graduate? No. Do I have housing or financial security? No. After four years, do I feel ready to face the world on my own in the slightest? No! But… if one thing is true,...
I will not lie to you (at least in this sentence), but things are quite dire in the realm of money, and especially video games. Many people are up in arms over the recently announced tariffs, as it’s...
Did I lock my car?
Is my fly unzipped?
Can everyone smell my breath?
What should I have for dinner?
When was the last time I hugged my mom?
When are taxes due?
Did the person next to...
I got stepped on today. I was heading to class when the weight of a giant’s leg creased my foot. I wasn’t mad, though. I just thought: Being tall must be nice.
At five feet, I don’t know...
AJ Johnson, secretly hoping this article will reach her
• April 10, 2025
That’s right, I was in a Mormon situationship. And by “situationship,” I actually mean “pathetic, one-sided yearning neither addressed nor reciprocated for almost four years.” I came out...
AJ Johnson, Don’t read this one, mom
• March 13, 2025
Spring break is almost upon us and my well of inspiration has been all but tapped. I considered begging my boss for a week off, but I couldn’t give up yet! I still had one more trick up my sleeve: plagiarism....
Tired of the same old commute? Wish there was a little more spice on your drive to work? Well, buckle up because this new game will keep you alert, entertained and questioning your own morality the...
Meghan Kearney, Currently Wearing a Puffer
• March 13, 2025
The great thing about Whitman is that you won’t have to put in much effort keeping up with fashion since you only need to shop at two places – REI and the bins at Goodwill.
But, if you’re...
Nick Pecora, Men’s Health reporter
• March 13, 2025
The Scrotum is a thin layer of skin that protects and contains the testicles. It is also a funny little bag that holds the balls. Whether you have one or you’ve seen one, Big Droopy Dad Scrotum affects...
AJ Johnson, too busy complaining about her editor to write a byline
• March 6, 2025
I’ve been working at The Whitman Wire for a semester and a half, and for the most part, I’ve been treated well. My deadlines aren’t too strict, and I get along with the other Humor section writers....
