Spring break is almost upon us and my well of inspiration has been all but tapped. I considered begging my boss for a week off, but I couldn’t give up yet! I still had one more trick up my sleeve: plagiarism. A few weeks back, my coworker (shout out to Nick Pecora) wrote an article against laptops and pornography in class. He humorously alluded to “Willie Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory,” a real film that he assured us was just as vile as it sounded. Diligent journalist that I am, I embarked on a quest to find it and stumbled into a realm of taboo fantasy and depraved desires. So without further ado, I give you: “The Bizarre and Wonderful World of Parody Porn.”
First off, there’s a lot. Like, a lot. Think of any franchise, and I guarantee, there will be a 20 minute video to crank it to. Obviously, the category is filled to the brim with risqué superhero and anime cosplays, but I was delighted to see a few more antique fandoms represented. For example, I found a film featuring five men dressed as Roman senators, creatively reenacting the assassination of Julius Caesar. Caesar was poked from behind, on his back, on his knees, and so on before he was finally “finished off” by the treacherous Brutus. If that doesn’t make a patriot of Rome do a full-cock salute, then I don’t know what will. There’s also “Blowing Mr. Bridgerton,” and its sequel, “Pride and Prejudice and Pussy” for those who yearn for cunnilingus during the Regency era.
If none of those are to your taste, don’t worry! Parody porn’s got something for the whole family to enjoy! In PornHub’s rendition of Snow White, all seven dwarves get to take a bite of the Evil Queen’s juicy apple. Sure, PornHub took some liberties – I don’t remember the dwarves being so jacked and tall in the original fairytale – but fast and loose storytelling is what makes adaptation so fun! … “Fast and Loose” is also an excellent idea for a “Fast and Furious” parody, so Vin Diesel, call me and we’ll figure something out.
If this foray into perversity has taught me one thing, it’s that we’re a fascinating and confusing species… and that for every story out there, someone will want to stick their dick in it.
