Pope Leo X:
I’m a patron of the arts and the head of the church,
My power is supreme, but one man tries to besmirch
My reputation with his declarations, his agitation of the rabble
Is sure...
According to a groundbreaking study published Wednesday in Science Magazine, mitochondria are not, as previously thought, the powerhouses of the cell. The discovery was made by researchers within the Department...
As we all know, Whitman has a longstanding tradition of reminding women that they are the inferior sex. Earlier in Whitman history, this tradition took the form of forcing women to live on campus all four...
A recent excavation done by the Whitman archival team at a dig site in an undisclosed and inaccessible corner of Ankeny revealed pages from the ancient college newspaper Unnamed, founded by the community...
Illustration by Claire Revere.
Market analysts were able to confirm today that this has indeed been the most precipitous decline in white guilt on campus since George Bridges claimed to “have one...
--Nation surprised when reminded that Supreme Court is still a thing
--Ted Cruz announces plans to nominate himself to Supreme Court if elected
--Anonymous source: Jeb Bush apparently still running...
After being ratified as a club by ASWC, the Whitman Socialist Front has begun to make a name for itself around campus, attracting droves of Whittie comrades looking to see who can “out-liberal” one...
Kuiper Belt, Solar System, Milky Way
Pluto, the dwarf planet best known for its demotion from full planet ten years ago, released a statement on Thursday, saying it was, “So done with the whole planet...
Winter break can be a trying time. Yes, the comforts of home are seductive: consuming meals that aren’t mild laxatives, sleeping in a bed without listening to your roommate snore, and getting to torment...
The most recent Greek election cycle brought with it the addition of student-operated super political action committees (super PACs). You may have heard the term “super PAC” thrown around by the 2016...
“Yes,†she responded with the kind of half grin that you give to your weird cousin at family gatherings. Then, of course, I booked it out of there, after contemplating taking a picture with the cat and deciding against it.
The other day, I found a crumpled letter in a wastepaper basket. What was I doing snooping through the garbage? An ordinary person might think it unusual to browse through trash cans, but I find it actually quite worthwhile. You really can get to know someone by searching through their trash. I’m serious. And I’m not talking about fucking gross shit with moldy food, etc., etc., obviously. Anyway, this letter that I found was so curious and utterly real that the only thing I could do was have it published here. And it had beautiful handwriting. Besides, it’s a work of pure literature — and don’t worry I changed all the names. And if you ask me what the real names are, I’ll kill you.
