Team Nicotine is gearing up for the new season. Indeed, the smokers are preparing the for rigorous spring season.

One member is excited, but nervous.

“With spring arriving, you can really stay outside and smoke all night during parties. During the daytime on a sunny day is doable, too. We can go into full-time mode, instead of just going outside once in a while when it’s cold.”

The smoker went on to say that they might have to buy cartons in Oregon because cigarettes are so expensive in Washington.

“That’s what you have to do if you’re dedicated to the team. It’s part of the ritual.”

However, the varsity squad of Team Nicotine is dwindling, with rumors around campus of cancer and heart disease striking when you’re like 80.

“Who wants to be that old, anyway?” asked team captain Bill Sealess. “I think iron lungs look pretty cool.”

Recruiting grounds have always been fertile, especially on the Beta porch and backyard. Some scouts have even reported some team members active at TKE, but many dismiss this as a rumor.

“Those guys don’t even eat carbs,” commented a Beta roasting a Turkish Royal.

Training usually revolves around a rigorous schedule.

“You get up and smoke … between classes, definitely when you’re studying, and always if you’re drinking. The most dedicated even go out during classes and come back smelling of flavor country,” said a team member.

Although varsity members are few in number, and can easily be identified by smell, the JV members are more elusive.

“They can be kind of annoying, just asking for drags and to bum cigarettes at parties, when they don’t buy their own. But hey! We’re a team,” commented Saul Mathmart.

“We’re looking to take all conference, but I don’t think we have a chance against U-Dub. Those guys smoke like chimneys, and not that eco-friendly liberal chimney neither,” commented the women’s team captain Stevie Natalies.