Six things to do again because you have no choice!


Illustration by Anika Vučićević

AQ, Home-Dweller Extraordinaire

Hi y’all. I thought I would make a little listicle for you to use as a tool as we navigate these weird times at home! While social distancing, let’s look at six things to do again because you have simultaneously lost all control while adhering to the CDC’s strict control; you have no choice!

1. Eat another bowl of cereal

I know what you’re thinking…but trust me on this one! You’re gonna want another one of those bowls right when you finish slurping up the sweet milk from the previous one. You’re gonna tell yourself, no, I just had one. But really…you have no choice! 

2. Not work out

This one’s easy. There you are in your room making eye contact with your yoga mat. All you have to do is put your hands in front of your face, pretend you do not see it, turn your back to it and continue scrolling on Instagram.

3. Open up Twitter

Since everyone’s doing the same thing, it makes refreshing so easy — endless tweets! Trust me on this one, you’re not gonna want to miss out on some person shaming what you’re doing, a nihilistic meme or some other depressing-a** sh*t!

4. Shower every 3-5 days

You’ll wake up and have no idea how long it’s been. Wait one more day, and then it’s time.

5. Watch that next episode

Now, was this ever really a choice? Just hang in there while it loads to the next episode hands-free and let the minutes melt away. Thanks, Netflix! 

6. Look at pictures from the olden days…and Instagram them!

You know, the days of yore. When we could all jam into a smoky basement. When the library had people in it at 4 PM on a Saturday. When you could drink a fat tall boy at the Brew Pub. When April used to suck because there were no breaks…and now it’s just one big weird break! Don’t worry, those days will come again. Just you wait! And wait! and wait…and wait…..!