Roommate’s boyfriend is over again


Illustration by Megan Waldau

Maude Lustig, Saucy Minx

Gracie Hardway cheerfully boop be-bopped home Wednesday night to share some exciting news with her housemate Hannah: she had finally gotten her period. She threw open the door with an excited, “honey, I’m home!” only to see a male figure seated on the couch. 

“Oh… hey Damien,” Gracie greeted. Damien nodded stoically back. “Is Hannah around?” In response, Damien raised one solitary finger and pointed to Hannah’s bedroom door. As if on cue, Hannah appeared around the corner.

“Hey girl, what’s up?” Hannah pranced over to Damien’s lap and perched on his legs. Damien’s dark orbs glinted as they swept over Hannah’s figure. Gracie looked around awkwardly, feeling smothered by the sexual tension in the room.

“Nothing much,” Gracie replied. “Hannah, could I talk to you?”

“Sure, silly! Go ahead,” Hannah said, playing with the lobes of Damien’s ears while he playfully growled, making Hannah giggle.

“I meant, like, in private? I kinda have something to tell you…” said Gracie. Damien and Hannah stopped their flirting and turned to look at Gracie. Damien threw his head back and inhaled deeply before looking at Gracie with an intense look in his eye.

“Her first blood…it has arrived,” Damien intoned.

“Ohmigod, Gracie! Is that true?” Hannah squealed. “You’ve been saying for so long that you wanted your period to come, and how weird it was that you were 20 years old and hadn’t gotten it yet!” Gracie blushed from head to toe. Drat Damien and his superior sense of smell!

“This is so exciting! Maybe Damien can finally set you up with a member of his pack…I mean one of his friends, haha!” Damien stood up and emitted a guttural howl from the depths of his body. A few moments later there was a knock at the front door and the sound of scratching paws.

Gracie sighed, wishing that the intimate secrets of her newfound womanhood could have stayed between her and her girlfriend. But alas, this is what happens when your friends are in serious relationships — nothing is sacred. 

“You know, I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m fine being single for now,” Gracie said. Mournful howls could be heard from outside as Gracie sulked upstairs to go change her tampon and eat cookies in bed. Now that’s girl power!