Whitman Wire

Wolves Successfully Observe Sabbath, Crush Heathens

Austin Biehl, staff writer

April 28, 2016

Last Saturday the WWU Wolves faced off against the Whitman Missionaries in a Club Volleyball match that once again proved the necessity of the #prayforwhitman campaign so generously instigated by the WWU student body. The Wolves left the match with broad smiles and a deeper sense of faith, ready to give t...

Whitties Helping Non-Whitties

Megumi Rierson, staff writer

April 28, 2016

As a humor writer for the Whitman College Pioneer (we’d love input on a less-racist name change, by the way), I am a vociferous proponent for making fun of the Whitman student body. Every day, I am bombarded with potential jokes about the various absurdities of living in this Birkenstoked hive min...

Sheehan Gallery Presents New Pretentious Modern Art

Clara Wheeler, staff writer

April 21, 2016

In order to increase the number of visitors that flow through Sheehan Art Gallery like nonexistent molasses, the Whitman art department is announcing some new installations of modern student art. The director, Arthur Galeria, hopes to rebrand the gallery in a way that will appeal more to the pompous...

Crafting Comedy

Christy Carley, Staff Reporter

April 14, 2016

Varsity Nordic, the group of campus improvisers whose predecessors snagged their name from the defunded nordic ski team, generally meets three times a week at 10:00 p.m.

Survey Shows Survey Matters

Megumi Rierson, staff writer

April 7, 2016

If you identify as a Whitman student with a pulse, chances are you’ve received a few emails with links to surveys about the various nuances of the privileged existence that society has so carefully crafted for you. Just recently, surveys released have included the Campus Climate survey that apparently ...

Men’s Basketball Caps Historic Season With Trip to Sweet 16

April 4, 2016

The Whitman Men’s Basketball team just came off of an incredible season, filled with many firsts. They put together the most wins in the school’s history and received a birth to the DIII national tournament for the first time, making it all the way to the sweet sixteen. Coach Eric Bridgeland attributes...

Whitman Welcomes the Awesomely Cool Class of 2020!

Austin Biehl, staff writer

April 1, 2016

In the class of 2020, Whitman has once again attracted a homogenous group of down-to-earth, unpretentious, fun-loving, granola-chewing, Birkenstock-wearing, apathetic, White kids. Throughout high school, the overwhelming majority was not that involved, but DID know how to transform their mediocre lives int...

Music Department Hosts “Fridays at Four” Concert Series

Music Department Hosts “Fridays at Four” Concert Series

Emma Cooper

March 10, 2016

Held in either Chism Recital Hall or Kimball Theater in the Hunter Conservatory, Fridays at Four hosts a variety of musicians including anything from jazz to western classical.

Historic Season Not Over Yet For Men’s Basketball

March 3, 2016

As the clock hit zero last Thursday night, and the Whitman men's basketball team fell in the semi-final round of the Northwest Conference tournament, cheers turned to murmurs, and disappointment, doubt and deja vu filled the Sherwood Athletic Center. It seemed like an exact replica of last year, only...

Ankeny Excavation Reveals Lives of Nineteenth Century Students

Clara Wheeler, staff writer

February 25, 2016

A recent excavation done by the Whitman archival team at a dig site in an undisclosed and inaccessible corner of Ankeny revealed pages from the ancient college newspaper Unnamed, founded by the community organizer Marcus Whitman himself. These documents were surrounded by curses and booby traps to diss...

Whitman Socialist Front Embezzles Club Funds

Ben Freedman, humor edi

February 11, 2016

After being ratified as a club by ASWC, the Whitman Socialist Front has begun to make a name for itself around campus, attracting droves of Whittie comrades looking to see who can “out-liberal” one other. When asked to comment on the success of the organization, club president Bryn Louise shrugged,...

Whitman Bubble Turns Physical

Clara Wheeler, staff writer

February 11, 2016

In a shocking turn of events, the social separation that Whitman students feel from the rest of the world has formed a literal bubble around the campus. This newly-made translucent dome is impenetrable to the rocks and politically correct insults thrown at it by students between classes and blocks all...

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