I took a shower today. The walls of my shower are made of square tiles. Some of the tiles are white and some of them are light blue. There is a circular metal shower-head at the top of the shower. There...
It's that time of year again when the dude who is rumored to be Kriss Kristofferson's long-lost brother sends out an email entitled "Whitman Lifestyle Choices Survey." When one imagines the Whitman lifestyle, a few images come to mind: eating Walla Walla sweet onions on designated Wednesday evenings, playing frisbee with oversized ham slices on Ankeny, and burying dead townie bodies in the wheat fields after a cultish ritual. Just kidding about that last one, gang. The body would be plowed up in a heartbeat next harvest and would probably take a zombie-like revenge on the farmer.
When I discovered Whitman College was ranked first in economic homogeneity out of 91 excellent schools, I was so overcome with elation that I almost spilled cognac all over my ocelot fur robe (that’s 100 percent pure Indonesian ocelot, none of that shit from the Philippines). After hearing the good news, naturally I called my longtime rival in the international yacht derby, close personal friend and Whitman Board of Trustees member John Stanton.
Tofu in curry instead of chicken, a seemingly extreme amount of hummus, and countless inquiries what seitan actually is... Will the madness ever end!??
Scandal rocked the quiet little community of Lyman just outside of Anderson Friday.... Initial reports seem to indicate that freshmen residents Amanda Norman (’17) of Seattle and Lydia Oscar (’17) of Portland have not developed the strong bond of friendship experienced by most, if not all, Whitman freshmen.
It's about that time of year when you've spent a solid amount of time with your new housemates. And now that you have a handle on their behaviors, you can start developing peeves which will haunt you for at least the rest of the semester.
