Majors as niche mythological gods

Samantha Fitts, Humor Editor

There’s one thing I love in this world, and that’s knowing more about something than other people. The special interest I have chosen is mythology, and as such, I am now kin-assigning you to a god based on your major. Please be offended.

Anthropology – Sekhmet 

This Kemetian (Egyptian) goddess is the alternate form of Hathor (goddess of birth, cows and mommy milky who you typically embody) where she goes into a murderous rampage, killing most of the people in Kemet, and gets fucking wasted on all the blood she spills. I feel like you guys are very close to having this happen.

BBMB – Ninkilim

RAT KING! RAT KING! RAT KING! You study lil’ guys so you’re the Mesopotamian rat king. 

Computer Science – Sterquilinus

Roman god of smelling like shit.

Economics – Phobos & Deimos

The Hellenic (Greek) personifications of fear and terror. Because I’m scared of you.

Environmental Studies – Ah Muzen Cab

The Mayan god of bees! You guys like bees, right?

Film & Media Studies – Lethe

You know all the rivers in the Hellenic underworld? This is the one that makes you forget shit because I forget you’re an actual major.

Gender Studies – Sun Wukong

Sun Wukong isn’t niche; he’s probably the most well known Chinese god in the United States, but something about a monkey with a long stick just felt right.

History – Adrasteia

This one is entirely biased. My middle name is based off of her, and she was associated with my favorite goddess, Nemesis. Just a little bit of fan service for myself. Anyways, she was a god of fate and inevitability — and for historians, it spells the inevitability of becoming a professor because we are trained to do nothing else.

Music – Fuujin

Shinto god of wind because your degree will be just as ephemeral. 

Politics – Astraea

Hellenic daughter of dusk and dawn and the personification of Virgo. I don’t think I need to explain this one.

Psychology – Tutu

The Kemetian guardian from bad dreams. He’s also a servant of the aforementioned Sekhmet, so maybe you’re just about to crack as well.

ReligionJesus “Fish” Christ

Now I bet you’re thinking, “Samantha, you made this one up.” You’d be wrong. Just like this messianic god of a 1st-century CE Roman cult of Judaism, you’re definitely appreciated by the society you currently reside in. 

Theater & Dance – Neotera

Kind of Hellenic, kind of Roman, kind of Kemetian — 100% Cleopatra propaganda. You guys are on some queen shit. If only your professors weren’t as racist as the Classicists studying Cleopatra herself.