Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

The Greek Life Hunger Games

Illustration by Paloma Link

The cannon goes off! The Greek orgs rush towards the middle where the weapons are stashed. Phi picks up a tennis racket. TKE grabs a golf club. Sig grabs a BB gun. Beta grabs a knife and a skateboard. Theta picks up a sand shovel. Kappa grabs a disco ball. Aphi grabs a rocket launcher. 

The game ensues. TKE starts driving golf balls at Beta. Beta dodges the balls before kickflipping over TKE and stabbing them in the pinkie toe. Sig chases after Aphi trying to get a clear shot with the BB gun. Sig fires a BB at Aphi from behind. The BB ricochets off Aphi and punctures Sig in the eye. Kappa smashes the disco ball over Sig’s head. Phi slips in the mud and cuts Kappa’s head off with a tennis racket unknowingly. Aphi launches a rocket towards Phi. Phi is doomed until Theta heroically jumps in front and sacrifices themselves. Phi sheds a tear. Theta’s sand shovel flies through the air and knocks out Aphi. 

As the sun goes down, two orgs remain. Phi and Beta. Beta jumps on Phi’s back. Phi struggles to hang on until grabbing the skateboard from Beta and swinging it into Betas’ shin. Phi jumps up on top of the weapons cabinet. Phi yells, “It’s over Beta. I have the High Ground.” Beta chucks the skateboard towards Phi, but it is quickly dodged. Phi shotguns a root beer, grabs the tennis racket, jumps over Beta doing a triple backflip and throws the racket like a boomerang. Suddenly, Duli Junn catches the racket. She uses her super strength and throws the racket 1,000 feet in the air, shattering the arena. The hunger games soldiers come storming in. Duli Junn says, “ We must go now!” Phi and Beta escape the Greek Life Hunger Games and live to fight the true enemy …

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    AngeloMar 1, 2024 at 12:56 am

    Love to see the Phi + Beta collaboration