Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 3
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

I Lived In A Frat Basement: AmA

Illustration by Tali Hastings

Tell me honestly: who hasn’t laid in bed on a Wednesday night in their nice warm comfy dorm bed and thought “Man, I’d hate to die without having lived in a frat basement.” Well, if you’ve ever wanted to know what that’s like, check out this AmA (Ask Me Anything) I did for the Whitman subreddit before you condemn yourself:

 

 u/Chaderall23: Just wrapped up a semester living in the bowels of Beta Theta [redacted]. AmA but keep it PG-13, I still have some dignity left.

 

u/GymRatBrad: How’d you stay swole in the basement?

u/Chaderall23: well I’m honestly built like a stick figure but the boys liked to use empty kegs as dumbbells.

 

u/420BlazeIt-UwU: was there a lot of dabbling in certain mind altering herbs?

u/Chaderall23: lets just say it was a uh … pretty green space, very eco-friendly if you must. 

 

u/509SPEEEED: hey how much for a 5 gram of the good good stuff?

u/Chaderall23: you’ll only find Coca Cola here bud 😐

 

(deleted): [removed by moderator]

AutoMod (Moderator): this comment has been removed for being overly offensive and, frankly, quite heinous.

 

u/BetaDateAGuy: Is the orgy an actual thing

u/Chaderall23: No lol, just cause some super senior swore it’s true doesn’t mean it is. 

 

u/SuuuuperSenior88: I WAS THERE IN ‘15 WHEN IT HAPPENED 

u/iTookZahisClass: this is all just a metaphor for adult life, isn’t it?

 

u/Chaderall23: if adulthood was like living in that pit, I’m screwed. Neither the self nor the other can save me. 

u/LetsGoBlues: LET’S GO BLUES!

 

u/iHateShoes: were there any outdoor enthusiasts?

u/Chaderall23: Fair bit, your run of the mill skiers and hikers. I never morphed into the OP lifestyle there, walking barefoot on that floor is like playing Russian roulette with brand new undiscovered diseases. 

 

u/KegstandKing: Any life changing revelations?

u/Chaderall23: Discovered that time is a construct. It’s easy when you can’t tell day from night and your clock is a blinking microwave.

 

u/StillWaterEnthusiast: how’d you manage to stay hydrated? ( ?° ?? ?°)

u/Chaderall23: By staying perpetually tipsy. 

 

u/Juul-iaDunn: greek life needs to be banned ASAP THERE IS NO PLACE FOR SUCH INSTITUTIONS IN THIS SCHOOL PERIOD like wtf are the admin even doing allowing this

u/Alumni2016: back in my day we’d get trashed and throw up signs rating people walking down the road. The new WOKE administration WILL NOT SEE A DIME OF MY MONEY!!!! 

 

u/AutoModerator: List announcement:

  1. [students] from [email protected]:

Anyone down to play some spike ball on Ank?

  1. [lostandfound] LOST AIRPODS!!!

 

u/TheWire: Hi can you please check your inbox? We’ve reached out to you regarding an exposé we’d like to do thx!!!

u/Chaderall23: anyway, that’s my cue, thanks for the questions folks 🙂 if you’re considering rushing and living in a basement, think about it first. Or don’t. Do it for the plot 😉 

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