Running out of quarantine activities? Try rethinking every decision you’ve made!


AE, Staff Crier

After many days of binge-watching shows, baking bread, attending Zoom happy hours, fighting with your mom and staring at the sky wondering if there is a god, you are probably feeling like you need some new activities to participate in. Well, you’re in luck! The Wire is here to give you our official recommendation for your next activity: rethinking everything you have ever done!

Are you sure that coming to Whitman was your only option? What if you had gone somewhere else? And that English degree … Was that the best idea? Will it help you win that MacArthur Grant, or will you actually just use it to proofread your future child’s tenth grade paper about “Catcher in the Rye”

Hold on — we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Are you even sure you want kids? Who says you’re even going to get to know somebody well enough to make a baby? What if there are no cool people after quarantine and your only option for baby-making is a formerly cool person who became a slovenly antisocial toad during quarantine because they went so long without human interaction? 

If all that seems too overwhelming, try some overthinking on a smaller scale. Maybe consider that time you farted in class and it wasn’t totally silent but you thought you’d gotten away with it, and then your professor looked you in the eye. Did they hear? Do they remember? Are they also awake in the middle of the night thinking about that repulsively intimate moment? Last week when your friend texted you and then you texted back with an emoji but then they didn’t use an emoji what did that mean?? Also, are all your friends hanging out without you? Oh, wait they can’t … But what if they are? 

These are just a few of the ways you can second guess every decision ever while you’re burning your sourdough loaf in the oven. Though this is by no means an exhaustive list, we do hope it helps.