Whitman unveils plans for “Resting Bitch Place”: Where the angriest bitches can finally rest

Annelise Ellingboe, Bitch

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






Following the completion of the Reid and Jewett cafes, Whitman has announced that they will be breaking ground on a new hangout spot where even the angriest of bitches can hang. Named “Resting Bitch Place”(RBP), the lounge will offer refuge from the putrid hellscape of the world outside. Within RBP, smiling is fully optional and use of complementary headphones and sunglasses indicates that the customer is in You May Speak When Spoken To Mode. Any guest who requests that womxn inside RBP smile will be promptly thrown out. RBP, meant to be a haven from the shitstorm outside, will be designed with tired, angry bitches in mind.

The cafe and workspace of Resting Bitch Place will be decorated with portraits of inspirational, trailblazing icons like Megan Rapinoe, Malala Yousafzai, Maya Rudolph, Johnathan Van Ness, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Greta Thunberg. Instead of music, RBP has created a custom playlist that’s just the soundbite of Michelle Obama saying, “When they go low, we go high” on loop for three hours, which will occasionally be swapped out for the soundbite of April Ludgate saying, “Please address me in the formal usted.” The cafe will offer kombucha on tap and black coffee, and a snack bar where you can eat whatever you want and no one can say shit about it. Plus, fill out a 10-coffee punch card and receive a free Resting Bitch Place keychain! 

The lounge will be complete with a nap room in the back, where episodes of shows that pass the Bechdel test or interviews with Jameela Jamil will provide soothing white noise. There will also be a gym addition to the building, where guests work out in solitary cubicles with no mirrors, so not even one fucking person can look at them and they can fart as much as they want. 

Resting Bitch Place is open to any and all self-identifying angry bitches. The lounge is set to open in December 2020. If you are an angry bitch looking for some relief in the meantime, try flushing your screams down the Reid basement toilets.

Advertisement

Print Friendly, PDF & Email