Last weekend was alumni weekend, and Dave Teppner, class of ‘83, knew exactly how he wanted to relive his favorite party nights at Whitman. There would be the obligatory spots, of course, to show the kids how it’s done. But what really mattered was making it to the only place that truly signifies a legendary night of excess. A place where one doesn’t just show up — they have to earn their stay. Dave had his eyes on the prize, and the prize was a night spent in the Health Center. 

Dave was a frequent flyer at the good ol’ HC back in his day, and last weekend was no exception. After a long day of small talk and reunion activities, he was eager to prove that he’s still got it. He shared some tips for making the stay extra special: 

“You want to reach the point where your legs no longer support you so that your friends get to carry you. We can’t all make it ourselves, and the others just appreciate the opportunity to tag along,” Dave advised. “Sure, the nurses’ll give you a trash bin, but the real move is to puke enough on your clothes that they give you a comfy hospital gown and a new laundry bag for your jeans and stuff.” 

Indeed, a gaggle of alum was spotted escorting our friend on his nostalgic pilgrimage from Isaacs to Boyer at 11:15 p.m. last Friday night, scoring bonus points for projectile-chundering in the front lawn of the Tekisuijuku. He was overheard yelling “‘sko missionaries,” earning some boos from current students. A crisp, clean bed awaited him just a few steps further. Yes, Dave really outdid himself, emerging triumphantly from the double set of sliding glass doors the following morning, gown ablaze, clothes in hand, ready to seize the day.