Miracle: Local White Person Hates White Supremacy and Now It Doesn’t Exist!

Ashlyn Quintus, Record Label Manager

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Hip Hip Hooray! White supremacy is gone! All thanks to one special snowflake Connor Johnson who not only decided that white supremacy is indeed bad, but stated he “hates” it. The Wire sends its largest notes of gratitude to Connor, who so graciously extended his mind and judgement, for one second, to declare this conclusion. Lo and behold, now that we know Connor thinks it’s bad, it is gone! Just like that!

“I thought, gee, I oughta say something on the subject, but I just wasn’t sure what. I wanted people to know where I was coming from. I just couldn’t say nothing,” reminisced the local liberator.

We are in awe how deeply, thoughtfully and eloquently Connor engaged with the subject matter at hand. He was obviously well-researched and considerate. What a booming impact this statement made. Now that Connor is completely and totally caught up on the matter, he is excused from all future Power & Privilege Symposiums, Race and Ethnic Studies courses and dialogue panels. Treat yourself to that ski trip, Connor! You earned this one, bud!

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