Snacks, Gas Money Provided for 4-Day Carpool Ride, but not Good Times

Ann Karneus, Corn Nut Addict

In a shocking display of falsity and deceit, Whitman freshman Dave Atkins did not supply what he promised on the drive back to Whitman from four-day. After posting a frantic request on the [email protected] listserv at 3:47 a.m. on Saturday morning, Maddie Wilkins promptly replied the next afternoon, compassionately offering him a ride back in her spacious Subaru Outback the next day. Atkins’s plea pathetically read, “Ride fell through at the last minute. Desperately need a ride back to campus this Sunday from Seattle. Will provide snacks, gas and a good time.” But Dave did not provide a good time, or even a tolerable time for Wilkins, who selflessly rose to the challenge of driving him when his only other option was a 50 dollar, 12-hour GreyHound bus ride. Wilkins, who was earnestly and whole-heartedly hoping for some compensation, Nacho Cheese Doritos, and—most importantly—a friend, tearfully chokes out that he only delivered on his first two promises. Alone in the car together for the roughly four-and-a-half-hour drive back without traffic, Wilkins describes the journey as “straight out of a nightmare.” Dry-heaving, she rants, “All Dave did was look at his phone and go on Twitter. He didn’t even bother listening to the first episode of the new season of Serial with me, and he even had the fucking audacity to ask me to turn it down.” But the biggest knife to her heart was when Dave slid into… the backseat at the start of the drive. “I felt like a fucking Uber driver. I’m sick of this shit. I’m done. I’m never replying to another goddamn rides digest request again. I’ve been hurt too much.” Further grievances Maddie aired about the hellish situation included the hour long nap Atkins indulged in, who mumbled that he was ‘very hungover’ before drifting off. Although Dave generously handed her a crisp twenty as they pulled up to Reid Campus Center to split ways, and Wilkins admitted that the Doritos were ‘very tasty’, his oversight and general opaqueness will certainly cost him rides in the future. Maddie’s final, haunting words to the readers are this: “If you see that motherfucker posting about wanting a ride, block him. Trust me—his chips weren’t worth my mental health.” Atkins has declined to comment at this time.