-Post-80s dance Prentiss brunch the surest sign yet that the apocalypse is nigh

-RA spends a heartbreaking amount of time making bathroom “Crush Board” poster that will be covered in phallic imagery within the week

-Princeton Review ranks Whitman #1 with Birkenstock-to-Student ratio of 3:1

-Mike Pence recaptured after bold escape from Trump Tower dungeon

-Rumors swirl that GOP leaders are planning to replace Trump on the ticket with someone more qualified, tapping Joe the Plumber

-Tim Kaine can’t decide which of his 4,000 neckties to wear this morning