In the class of 2020, Whitman has once again attracted a homogenous group of down-to-earth, unpretentious, fun-loving, granola-chewing, Birkenstock-wearing, apathetic, White kids. Throughout high school, the overwhelming majority was not that involved, but DID know how to transform their mediocre lives into a riveting Common Application experience.

The class reflects a diversity rate that is pretty dismal so we’re actually not going to even report it. 370 students come from Seattle, Portland or the Bay Area, with the remaining 30 each coming from a different state, thus allowing us to claim that we represent 33 different states!

Here’s a breakdown of some of the achievements of the 400 students comprising the entering class.

400 (100 percent)

Number of students who said they participated in community service while in high school.

223 (56 percent)

Number of students who actually did community service while in high school.

220 (55 percent)

Number of students who did community service in high school because they were forced to.

3 (.75 percent)

Number of students who voluntarily did community service.

Types of service

Volunteer at Tomorrow’s Hope, an organization geared towards preventing human trafficking

Habitat for Humanity

Drove younger brother to soccer practice a few times

Car wash to fund personal trip to Spain. Shared profits. Community service?

Waitress at restaurant. Got paid so little she counted it as community service.

48 (12 percent)

Number of students who founded a club while in high school.

255 (64 percent)

Number of students who attended a public high school.

Enough to be annoying about it

Number of students who attended a private high school.

More than 70

Number of countries to which students have traveled on their parents’ dollar.

Countries they have

traveled to:

Andorra, Australia, so much culture, Belize, Bolivia, Bosnia and Culture, Cultured as fuck, Cayman Islands, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Cote d’lvoire, Croatia, Czech Republic, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Egypt, Fiji, France, Wow, so much culture, Holland, Honduras, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Iran, Ireland, Korea, Mexico, Micronesia, Myanmar, Nepal, New Zealand, Not actually from here but makes it look like diversity, Nigeria, Panama, Peru, diversity, Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Russia, Rwanda, Senegal, Serbia, Holy shit this place sounds fun, Spain, Sri Lanka, Switzerland, Taiwan, Tanzania, Thailand, Turkey, Uganda, Ukraine, Is that a country?, Uruguay, Venezuela, Is this list long enough?, Zambia

Other accomplishments of

members of the entering class:

Located Walla Walla on a map in less than 4 minutes

Got into Pomona, Carleton and Claremont McKenna, still chose Whitman

Adores “This American Life”

Doesn’t confuse Whitman, Whitworth and Willamette

Correctly pronounced Wallula, Wallowa and Walla Walla on first try

Already knows Taqueria order

Made out with senior last admitted students day

Declared major in Common Application

WFR certified and ready to lead their own Scramble

Has watched 597 TED Talks

Grows own marijuana