–Nation surprised when reminded that Supreme Court is still a thing

–Ted Cruz announces plans to nominate himself to Supreme Court if elected

–Anonymous source: Jeb Bush apparently still running for president  

–Sanders campaign targets key arsonist demographic with new “Feel the Bern” lighters

–Congress traded to Canada in exchange for Justin Trudeau and a first-round draft pick

–New poll shows that majority of Americans “really wish this debate would end so they can get back to watching the Bachelor”

–Sanders campaign war chest triples after 15-year-old empties piggy bank

–Donald Trump wins New Hampshire GOP primary (no really – this actually happened!)