Drinking trashy beer, playing music at top volume on speakerphones and flirting with that cute first-year boy down the hall from you will soon be acceptable at Penrose Library.

Whitman College officials recently announced that the college would be hosting a “rager” at the library in commemoration of students’ achievements this academic year. The party will be an all-day affair on Saturday, April 5 from 2 p.m to 2 a.m. the next day.

“Whitman students are usually so studious and quiet in the library, so we thought we’d help them release their pent-up stress by letting them go wild in the library,” said Head Librarian Arthur Schnoozer.

Seniors working on orals, exams or theses will have to find refuge elsewhere or come to terms that students at the table next to them may be talking louder than their music can block out.

According to Schnoozer, the following will be deemed normal and expected conduct in the library:

1. Talking loudly on cell phones
2. Crinkly potato chip bags in the quiet room
3. Table dancing in the quiet room
4. Running naked between bookshelves
5. Swivel chair races
6. Watching TV on  full volume

First-years, feel free to go crazy, ’cause we all know you don’t really have work to do in the library anyway.