Don’t Trust Bee in Anderson 203

Melina Hughes

Backpage.Rust.Bee.Issue11
Illustration by Emma Rust

Oh my god guys, let me tell you. I moved here from Indiana with the dream of getting a good liberal arts education, but you will not believe what I have had to put up with! So my roommate is a total B—, by which I mean she is a bee, and also sort of a bitch.

I mean, when I first got here she demanded that I pay half the rent, so I had been giving her checks every month until last week when my RA told me that we don’t have to pay rent when we’re living in a dorm. And when I confronted her, that bee said she already spent all that “rent” money on a new pair of shoes. I can’t believe her… I mean, they are a pretty fabulous pair of heels… but really? Come on! She doesn’t even have feet.

And that bee, oh my golly, she just is always on the phone buzz-buzz-buzzing with her BeeFF who lives in New York or something, (some guy who acted in some TV series when he was younger –– OK, it may have been “Dawson’s Bee”, and O.K., I mean, maybe I watched that show and maybe I was obsessed with that James Van der Bee when I was in high school –– but that was AGES ago), but does she really have to be talking to him all the time? On my cell phone?

OK, and seriously, that bee gets wasted like every night. And I am all like, Oh excuse me bee, but some of us can’t go out partying every night since we are here for, oh I don’t know, school or something. And that bee is all like, Pa-lease, school is for losers, and I am all like, No bee, that’s how some of us plan on making a living at some point in our lives so we don’t have to work at a coffee shop for the rest of our lives, so I think it’s best not to go to class hungover (or still drunk) every day. I don’t think that bee even goes to class!

But even though that bee can be a real bitch, I still love her. I mean, who else is going to take me out partying on a Friday night or sting me when my outfit is too boring? Despite all the craziness that that bee creates, especially here in Anderson 203, that bee is actually a great friend.