Students Just Want Snacks!

Rosemary Hanson

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Illustration by Sophie Cooper-Ellis

Recent polls by the Huffington Post have revealed a shocking fact: Despite commonly held beliefs about college students, the amount of snacks students consume is far less than it was 30 years ago. Similar polls on Whitman’s campus confirmed this surprising decline. Though theories are abound, we decided to ask students about this apparent dearth and what they thought about it. For the most part, answers were relatively similar.

“I don’t really have snacks,” said sophomore Amy Durhann. “Sure, I’ll have occasional snacks, but for the most part I don’t. It’s mostly when I’m drunk.”

“I never have snacks!” said first-year Allen Mitchel. “Some people do, but not me!”

When asked if he liked snacks, he just laughed.

“Of course I like snacks! Everybody does,” he said.

Though not true of all students, most seem to agree with Allen.

“I came to college thinking I’d be having a lot of snacks,” said senior Morgan Freisch as she sat with her friends on Ankeny Field. “But in reality I’ve been hungry for a few years!”

Her friend, Lynda Miles ’13 from New York, agreed.

“You ask someone about having snacks, and they suddenly get weird,” she said. “Do West Coasters not like snacks? Because that shit should be in the brochure!”

Senior Jenna Miles chimed in.

“It is easier to have snacks with townies –– they are not nearly as up-tight as Whitman students!” she said, and the girls burst into laughter.

But if students want snacks, what is preventing them? We asked Associate Professor of Sociology M. Gaye to give us a few hints.

“I think there is just not the educational infrastructure for people to learn about snacks,” said Gaye. “Snack education at the high school level is atrocious and students are forced to turn to the Internet or to their peers to learn about snacks. Most of the information is incorrect!”

Associate Professor of Psychology S. N. Pepa had another theory.

“I think it is a particular product of Northwest culture. Students raised in the Portland or Seattle area don’t think snacks are bad, but they just have never talked about it. They don’t have the social vocabulary to express their desires honestly. And they also don’t really know how to ask for things in general –– much less snacks.”

Whatever the reason, students across the board express significant frustration.

“I’m just tired of all the drama,” said junior Mia Nye. “What’s so hard about just having casual snacks with a friend? And yet everyone makes it into a big to-do.”

“Everyone here is so weird about snacks. I can’t wait ‘til I graduate,” said senior Aaron Billings.

“Why is it that you get such a weird reputation if you like snacks?” sighed first-year Lydia Lord. “I’ve had enough.”

“I really wish they had Doritos in the dining hall –– how cool would that be?!” said first-year John Manchip.

It’s time we had a conversation at Whitman! A conversation about snacks. Whitman is a Bastian of liberalism, forward-thinking and activism –– so why can’t we talk about something as simple as snacks? It certainly isn’t because we aren’t thinking about it. The Backpage encourages students to be proactive –– start the conversation yourself! Change starts small; educate yourself and remember that safe snacks are the best snacks!