This past week, a sex tape of Associated Students of Whitman College President junior Beemon Shethmoozian surfaced. The video of the ASWC president, a plate of kale, a giant stuffed teddy bear and multiple members of the Whitman Events Board in what is presumably an empty Town Hall meeting has spread across campus like wildfire.
It all began when ASWC decided to raise the student fee.
“We started getting these threatening emails. They said they had a tape of Beemon doing illicit activities at a Town Hall meeting with members of WEB. All of us simply didn’t believe it––no one goes to Town Hall meetings,” said ASWC member junior Tom Road. ASWC moved forward with the plans to increase student fees and continued receiving strange warnings.
“There was this one time when I walked into our office late at night because I had forgotten my pencil bag there, and I found a plate of kale with a note addressed to Beemon. I thought maybe he was on a health kick and hadn’t had time to snag dinner, so I left the plate there,” said ASWC member sophomore Dan Daggenti. The note was an ominous warning: “Does this turn you on, Beemon?”
Tom Road was there to witness Beemon finding the plate of kale the next morning.
“He picked it up, read the note and dumped the whole dish, plate and all, in the garbage. It was weird, but I just assumed he was having a bad day,” said Road.
At first, ASWC was unclear as to why the student group threatening them was so upset, but a few days before the decision they received an anonymous email.
“WEB and ASWC are like the church and the state. Put them in a bed together and we are back to monarchy. All hail King Shethmoozian. Raise student fees and I’ll raise student eyebrows,” said the email.
ASWC went through with raising student fees and $14 later, the video went viral. The video was tagged #separationofASWC&WEB #BeemonlovesKale. Shortly after the release, an investigation into the relationship of WEB and ASWC began. It found years of inappropriate overlap between WEB and ASWC. In the ’90s, WEB wined and dined ASWC at the Whitehouse Crawford for more funding. In early 2000, WEB threatened to cancel the Millennium Party. But, unlike in the past,in 2013 WEB used its bodies to get funding because wining, dining and threats weren’t working with Shethmoozian. Enter the leak. Since the release of the video, many have expressed negative opinions of Shethmoozian and WEB, boycotting pizza-making workshops and friendship bracelet weaving alike. A coalition is growing to protest the $14 student fee hike because of its crooked origin.
Shethmoozian declined to comment.
