The survival guide for upcoming Springtime movies

Nathan Fisher

As I start my last semester at Whitman, the terror of the fast approaching real world is looming.  I’m starting to be expected to have answers for questions such as, “What do you want to do?” or “What are you going to do for the rest of your life?”  Luckily, I can ignore the dread of my impending “jobs” and/or “decisions” by going to the movies. Here is my list of spring movies to assist with denial and procrastination:


For the Kids:  Unfortunately there is not that much coming out for the youngsters/young at heart.  Disney is continuing their live-action remakes with “Cinderella” (Mar. 13) starring Lily James as Cinderella and Cate Blanchett as the evil stepmother.  Disappointingly, “Cinderella” looks to be a cutesy remake with not much new to offer.  I am looking forward to seeing “Home” (Mar. 27) starring Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) and Rihanna.  “Home” promises to be a cute animated adventure about an alien making friends with a human and a cat in order to save the world.


For the Love of God NOOOOOO!:  I have a fairly high tolerance for bad movies, but this spring I am boycotting two “major” movies.  No matter how much convincing my SpongeBob loving housemates are going to attempt, I will not pay ten bucks to see “The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water” (Feb. 6) starring Antonio Banderas.  (Come on Zorro, you used to be a stud, now you’re a villain tormenting a sponge named Bob?).  I also refuse to see “Paul Blart:  Mall Cop 2” (Apr. 17) starring Kevin James.  James is back as the portly Segway-riding Mall security guard but this time all hell breaks loose in …. Vegas …


Show Me the Money:  Spring 2015 is filled to the brim with sequels and reboots, and surprisingly, three of these films show promise.  Although not a big budget flick, “Pitch Perfect 2” (May 15) reunites the eclectic group of girls who compete against a cappella groups from around the world.  Even if the film is more of the same, The Bellas on stage are a hoot.  Moving to bigger budgets and fast cars, “Furious 7” (Apr. 3) is Paul Walker’s final movie before his untimely death last year.  “Fast Five” featured a plane chase and “Fast and Furious 6” had a tank chase.  What can Walker, Vin Diesel and The Rock absurdly chase this time?!  I am excited to find out.  The last and biggest budget sequel I am looking forward to is “Avengers 2” (May 1) starring…well everyone.  The trailers look AWESOME and suggest a battle between our favorite superheroes that could divide the group.  Mindless destructing will surely ensue but maybe Joss Whedon will throw in some heart/sentiment with the battles.


Bold First Date Movie:  How fitting, the day before Valentine’s Day opens “Fifty Shades of Grey.”  This erotic sex romp has had lots of hype, probably will be bad but still is a worthy candidate to see this spring.  So, come join me at the movies for procrastination and denial.