Whitman Wire

Selling Your Adderall and Other Budgeting Tips

Natalie Guest, Humor Writer • April 10, 2026

Is more than half of your furniture sourced from the side of the road? Do you find yourself planning your days around events on the free food listserv? Have you recently purchased food of a questionable...

How a Little Sweet Treat Will Save You and All of Society

Dante Squires, Humor Writer • March 6, 2026

We have the numbers, we’ve analyzed the data and we’ve looked at the stats. If you’ve noticed that the world isn’t looking too great, one simple decision could fix that. If you’ve been hoping...

A guide to being normal and having friends at Whitman

Isabella Hunter, Columnist • April 28, 2022

In case you couldn’t read the room, this is satire. I’m assuming you’re reading this because, let’s face it, you need the help. You’ve found yourself with nothing better to do on a Friday...

Auntie Lee’s cures for Frat Flu

Lee Thomas, Humor Writer • October 28, 2021

Well Auntie Lee, I've got it. No amount of Emergen-C has been able to fix it. I've been out of commission since the weekend and really need to get back to the grind. How can I cure my Frat Flu? Ah-choo, Saturday...

Hey Whitties! Ready for a BetterYou™?

Michael Conlin-Elsen, Feature Reporter • April 22, 2021

A strange advertisement appeared to me while I was scrolling through my Instagram stories. It read, “Hey, Whitman students! Ready to become the healthiest version of you this semester? Download BetterYou...

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