ASCH:
It is a slow time of year for the mainstream sports fan.   In this post-Super Bowl hangover period college basketball’s conference tournaments haven’t started, the NBA and NHL are in the boring middle third of their regular seasons and even Spring Training games don’t kick off until almost March (but pitchers and catchers reported last week: yes!).
But don’t worry, Woods, because the sports world has provided us with something juicier than any on-the-field action could ever be: From shady dealings in Dallas, to “Spygate” revisited, to Roger Clemens trip to Capital Hill, sports pages have recently been dominated by athletes behaving badly.   Where to begin?

WOODS:
I hate to call this time of the year “slow” for sports, especially after just watching Dwight Howard win the NBA Slam Dunk Contest (YouTube his dunks, you will not be disappointed), but you’re right.   So with that being said, I think we have to start with Clemens on Capitol Hill.   First off, I think we are both on the same page with the thought that this Congressional Oversight Committee should be dealing with much more important matters than baseball.   This trial has turned into a silly spectacle, with Clemens and his former trainer Brian McNamee sitting literally three feet apart and telling completely opposite stories while under oath.   With all of McNamee’s “photo evidence” and the fact that the other two athletes he injected with steroids have verified his testimony, Clemens is looking worse and worse in the public eye.   In this case I agree with public opinion, I think it’s clear that Clemens used performance enhancing drugs and is lying about it now.   I’m just interested to see how this trial wraps up, especially after hearing rumblings of a possible presidential pardon being offered to Clemens from President Bush.

ASCH:
I agree on all counts: I hate Clemens as much as anyone, but his appearance in front of the committee was nothing more than an opportunity for political grandstanding. Some (read: Democrats) took the opportunity to lace into Clemens; others (read: Republicans) sank their teeth into trainer-turned-informant Brian McNamee; neither group came out looking nearly as unbiased and thoughtful as former Sen. George Mitchell: whose report’s validity the C.O.C. was allegedly investigating.   Clemens is lying and Congress is petty: big whoop, let’s move on to the NBA.
Since we started writing this article the Jason-Kidd-to-Dallas deal (so recently thought dead due to Jerry Stackhouse’s big mouth) has taken another form, and in its newest incarnation does not involve either Stackhouse or Devean “No-trade clause?!?” George.   Although the swap is still not official, it looks likely to happen by the time we go to press.   You follow the NBA closer than I do, Brian: what, exactly, happened here?

WOODS:
It’s pretty clear by now that both the Mavs and Nets really want this deal to happen.   The latest curveball thrown into the mix is the inclusion of the unofficially retired Keith Van Horn.   The Mavs are still paying three years on Van Horn’s fairly large contract, so by including him in the deal and removing Stackhouse and George, the financials work out.   Now the issue is whether or not Van Horn will have to report to the Nets for the deal to go through.   In the Pau Gasol steal a few weeks ago, the Lakers exploited this loophole, dealing the unofficially retired Aaron McKie.   That deal might have been disallowed had McKie not left his assistant coaching position in Philadelphia to report to Memphis after Los Angeles traded him (phew).
Apparently, there are no rules about this sort of trade, but it is thought that Van Horn might have to do the same.   Considering no one’s seen or heard of Van Horn for a few years now, it looks like this could be a problem.   Judging by all the effort that’s already been put into this deal, I still see it being completed somehow by the trade deadline a few days away.   Unfortunately for Dallas, I don’t see it helping them go any deeper into the playoffs.

ASCH:
Van Horn took the ’06-’07 season off to be a father (ESPN.com ran a story on this). Apparently he liked the gig so much he’s willing to give up on this basketball thing entirely.   While it’s weird to trade a retired player, I see no problem with it.   There is no reason Van Horn’s deadweight contract shouldn’t be allowed to be dealt.   He shouldn’t even have to go to New Jersey (no one ever should): viva la free market!
Well, we’re just about out of space, and we haven’t even mentioned Sen. Arlen Spector’s petty crusade against the Patriots yet.   Wanna fire a parting shot, Woods?

WOODS:
Spector seems a man on a missions to demolish what is left of the Patriots dignity (and draft picks), but the real post-season NFL question is: Will Eli Manning follow in brother Peyton’s footsteps and host Saturday Night Live, and if so, how unfunny will that show be?