Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 8
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Open relationships necessitate nuanced view of cheating

My boyfriend and I are LDR [long distance relationship]. We are in an open relationship, but chose to not tell each other anything until the semester is over. Is it okay for me to have cybersex with someone else?

-Seeking Online Seduction

If you’re uncertain, SOS, then wait until you’ve clarified with him. Do anything else, and you run the risk of cheating––even if you do it with the best intentions.

Your situation is a great example of how much there is to learn from open relationships, even for people in more traditional closed relationships. By thinking about open relationships as well as closed, for instance, we can come up with a more nuanced understanding of cheating.

We like to think of cheating in very black-and-white terms. Have sex with someone outside of your relationship, and you’re a cheater. Getting naked with someone outside of your relationship is cheating. Making out with someone who’s not your significant other is, too. Sexting, having cybersex, flirting––a person who does any of these outside of their relationship has cheated.

This black-and-white view, however, overlooks the multiple shades of gray to cheating and relationships. To be sure, everything listed above could count as cheating, and for many people, it does. But there are also relationships where everything listed above is okay. Saying sex outside a relationship is automatically cheating ignores open relationships where it may be perfectly fine, even encouraged.

Like so much else about sex and relationships, you can’t make assumptions about cheating. The definition of infidelity varies from person to person, and a single person may even have different feelings in different relationships. The only constant when it comes to cheating is the betrayal of your partner’s trust. It’s up to you and your partners to figure out, on a case-by-case basis, what that means.

Remembering this lets us take a more nuanced approach to cases like yours, SOS. You mention that you’re in an open relationship. It’s easy to misinterpret the meaning of that and assume––either as someone in the relationship or an observer from the outside––that an open relationship means sex with anyone is okay, and if we take the “cheating is just unfaithful sex” view, then cheating in an open relationship would seem impossible. But this, of course, is absurd, since cheating is violating your partner’s trust, and that can happen in open and closed relationships alike.

Luckily, you can easily avoid unwittingly cheating by making sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page. You mention that you and your boyfriend have agreed not to tell each other anything until the end of the semester. Many people in open relationships choose to go this route, and as long as you communicate everything necessary beforehand, it can work. In your case, however, it sounds like some topics were left untouched before agreeing to go incommunicado. As long as you don’t definitively know how your boyfriend feels about you cybering with someone else, hold off. Better safe than sorry.

I don’t know the terms of your relationship, SOS, so it’s possible this is unfeasible, but I would strongly suggest talking to your boyfriend soon if you can, even if you previously agreed to remain silent on the issue. Don’t give him more information than he wants, but figure out whether he’s cool with you cybering with someone else. Not only will it be a relief to clear up your uncertainty, but if he approves, then you can have the cybersex you want to have without worrying about betraying his trust.

View Comments (7)
More to Discover

Comments (7)

All Whitman Wire Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • J

    jeff packerMay 18, 2022 at 4:39 am

    I can’t over emphasize the professionalism of Spylordhack at gmail dot com i have spent several hours monitoring my wife and my brother flirting literally and there has not been any technical malfunctions.. believe it or not, I just found out my blood sister is having an affair with my wife.. I have never been this dissapointed and sad in my life before. I really want to thank my stars I took courage to contact Spylordhack at gmail dot com and for all their tender kindness towards assisting me. Finding the right hacker is very difficullt so i imply everyone to take their time..Spylordhack at gmail dot com virtually the only hacker that seems fit for the job and i can stand by this notion anywhere.. you have to make the right decision and know what exactly you are doing in a relationship or else you get yourself in a place of being ripped off emotionally and financially at the same time..
    Spylordhack (a) g m a i l . co m
    Whatsapp or Text: +1 315 784 1311

    Reply
  • T

    tamaraApr 10, 2022 at 4:58 am

    I contacted herpes’ I was told there is no herpes cure except treatment to
    control it. I totally lost hope. All I could think was losing my life it
    was so embarrassing to have this virus, few weeks ago I ready about a
    possible natural herbs cure which was guaranteed. And I ordered the natural
    herbs treatment from Dr voodoo after some weeks I got 100? cure. Now I’m so
    excited to share this testimony contact Dr voodoo WhatsApp number
    +2348140120719 also e-mail him at: [email protected]

    Reply
  • J

    Jessica PetersonApr 6, 2022 at 12:36 pm

    Best hacker to ever work with is available every time for help. i doubted at first but now they prove me wrong with excellent work they did, [email protected] is my helper for giving me remote access to my husband android phone thanks so much.
    Whatsapp or text +15184682985

    Reply
  • M

    Melanie BushMar 25, 2022 at 3:10 pm

    I dated my HUSBAND for a long time, he was my childhood friend, after we dated for a long time we got married, i thought my life was perfect, i thought i knew him so well, recently start acting strange, i thought it was his normal mood swing , i gave him time , i tried talking to him about his recent behaviour but he always tells me he is fine, i couldn’t take it anymore, i paid a hacker [email protected] to help me hack his PC and iPhone X , which he did, i got to find out that a woman was having sex with him and they also have secret accounts together , my heart is broken. I’m glad I found this honest hacker

    Reply
  • J

    Jennet CourtneyOct 9, 2018 at 7:45 am

    Cheaters will always cheat,all you need is to confront them with a cleared evidence. My husband has been doing a lot behind me which i don’t know about but thanks to Media lord for helping me hacking his phone for knowing all he has been doing behind me, if you need someone to help you here, (hackingloop6 @ gmail.c o m) he offer lots of hacking services, website database hack, phone cloning hack, telegram hack, topping credit score, background checks and surveillance, access to social networks, school servers, i cloud and much more, vibe r chats hack, Facebook messages and yahoo messenger, calls log and spy call recording, monitoring S M S text messages remotely, cell phone GPS location tracking, spy on Whats app Messages.he is really a cyber genius,.(hackingloop6 @ gmail.c o m)

    Reply
    • S

      SohpiaNov 18, 2021 at 3:22 am

      What a big surprise my lover is back just within 48 hours with the help of Dr Prince how he cast a spell on him that made my lover to come back to me, whom i thought would never come back because he left me when another woman cast a spell on him that made him not to think about me. But when i was reading testimony about Dr Prince on how he have been helping people to bring back there lover so i also contact him. After i contacted him my lover came back i am so happy for the good work he did for me you can also contact him today at [email protected] or WhatsApp or call +18488416266

      Reply
  • J

    Jennet CourtneyOct 9, 2018 at 7:44 am

    Cheaters will always cheat,all you need is to confront them with a cleared evidence. My husband has been doing a lot behind me which i don’t know about but thanks to Media lord for helping me hacking his phone for knowing all he has been doing behind me, if you
    need someone to help you here, (hackingloop6 @ gmail.c o m) .text 712-292-2655 he offer lots of hacking services, website database hack, phone cloning hack, telegram hack, topping credit score, background checks and surveillance, access to social
    networks, school servers, i cloud and much more, vibe r chats hack, Facebook messages and yahoo messenger, calls log and spy call recording, monitoring S M S text messages remotely, cell phone GPS location tracking, spy on Whats app Messages.he is really a cyber genius,.(hackingloop6 @ gmail.c o m)

    Reply