Do I have a job lined up after I graduate? No. Do I have housing or financial security? No. After four years, do I feel ready to face the world on my own in the slightest? No! But… if one thing is true, the prestigious English major here at Whitman College has prepared me to whip out a mediocre poem readily and efficiently! I’m here to prove to you today that it wasn’t just my overwhelming sense of humor that jazzed the employers at The Wire, but my English Language Arts expertise in addition to this. 

For centuries, the sonnet has been associated with desire. Poets have used this coveted form to explore themes regarding the complexities of the human experience. Frequently, sonnets are used to query the mysteries of life and even muse on romantic love. The sonnet you are about to read contains absolutely nothing of substance:

The days feel the same and nothing is new.

My motivation is completely gone.

There’s still some more stupid homework to do.

I’ve been in this place for too goddamn long.

It’s too late. I don’t want to be your friend.

Please don’t talk to me, you are such a bore. 

I’m just waiting until this soon will end. 

Every interaction is such a chore. 

What have I learned in four years you may ask

Vital skills needed for life beyond school?  

Only how to bullshit every single task 

I’ll be homeless, but I can rhyme, that’s cool. 

This horrible poem was too much work.

So please enjoy it, you ungrateful jerk.