Have you ever had a crush? The thought is horrifying, right? Even more horrifying if the crush isn’t based on an imaginative life you’ve dreamed for your Person Of Interest (POI), but actually from real life interactions you’ve had with this individual. Despite your best efforts, you actually like them, like, like like them. Now comes the next question: what to do? Do you hope one day they’ll make a move, do you wait until the feelings go away? Or do you … (oh God I can’t believe I’m saying this) TELL the person how you feel? 

Who could conceive such a heinous thought? 

A lot of people actually. However, for those who find this concept utterly paralyzing but can’t let go of their crush, I have some strategies for you. 

Strategy One: Never make eye contact with them.

Never making eye contact kills two birds with one stone: 1. You don’t have to stand the stomach churning sensation of making eye contact with your POI. 2. It makes you seem irresistibly mysterious and leaves your crush wondering if you’re either really shy, or you hate them. Note: This strategy is a bit of a gamble. 

Strategy Two: Say you’re in a relationship

This strategy may seem counterintuitive but trust me. If you say you’re in a relationship your POI may realize that you can exist within a romantic context. Since you’re ‘off the market’ you can become more emotionally close with your POI without the pressure of romance. Once you’ve become close with your POI, you say you had a breakup and go to your POI for solace. Ensue romance. Note: this strategy is morally grey and may not be the best fit for every reader. 

Strategy Three: Become an expert on all of your POI’s interests

Start casually keeping track of what your POI loves to do, and become an expert at all of them. Now you can interact with your POI in their different spheres, but you won’t be embarrassed about being bad at those activities! This way you never show weakness around your POI, but constant, unflinching strength. Note: you’ll pick up some cool hobbies with this one.