Whitman College wants to extend the warmest welcome to the class of 2026. These students have earned admission to our prestigious institution through their exceptional academic achievements and incredible personal traits. In a show of the utmost pride and respect, The Wire wanted to share some of the most extraordinary statistics about the latest Whitties.

76% already own 1 Patagonia item over $80. Of that 76%, at least 42% have a second Patagonia item that is over $200 and also very ugly!

22% have absolutely no idea what a carabiner is. That’ll change!

82% have admitted to nearly causing a motor accident due to haphazard jaywalking. They’re going to fit right in!

17% answered they “already wish I’d committed to an artsier school. Like, I probably won’t be unhappy here but the town’s a little small and I heard that there’s not really anywhere to eat past like, 9, which isn’t really a problem but I feel like that would get on my nerves a weird amount. And also I think I’d probably get bored of seeing the same people at the same parties. But I could probably learn to love it and respect it for what it will be.”

29% have a sneaking suspicion the school is actually really small, like really really small. Wait until you find out!

64% already have a parasocial relationship with Chef Jon. The other 46% will eventually experience the same level of obsession.

41% said they were ready to love Jewett couch beds. Really?

33% are from “Seattle,” but only 1% actually live in the city.

50% are in a serious committed relationship, and the other 50% practice celibacy.

18% said they might try not wearing shoes for a bit, to explore their natural feet. 9% already do this!

Class of 2026 is also home to 78 homeschooled students, the largest in Whitman history. Class of 2026 also boasts 4 valedictorians and 57 ultimate frisbee players, and there is no overlap between those two groups. Welcome Whitties! We’re so glad you’re finally here!!!