Sophomores, on-campus juniors, first-years who got away with lying about their age, the time is nearing for you to move out of Papa Whitman’s house and into your own abode. Some of you will be graced to live in a place that’s already been properly named, but not all of you will be so lucky. Whether nameless or badly named, here’s advice for finding the perfect title.

Find a shared identity. Whether a similar love (or disdain) for Doctor Who, or an identical weird mole in the same location, a form of bonding mutuality between yourself and your housemates makes for a perfect name. Two individuals entitled their home just north of campus, “Dykehouse.” Enough said, I think.

Base it on location. One house, whose location is “hard to find,” is titled “The Clit.” Again, enough said.

Dress for the job you want. Resident hottie Julia Schillings and their housemate Melina Waldman set out to call their new home “The Casting Couch.” They planned to buy a replica couch to play the part. After purchasing the necessary materials to construct a sign advertising the purpose of their house, the pink glitter spray paint refused to work, so the pair gave up.

Explore its history. The deceivingly light-colored home across from the Shady Lawn Creamery shares the name of the old building—but not on purpose. Senior Maggie Murphy explained, “The history of this place is, well, shady. Cult activity and [redacted], mainly. We decided to go with it because it makes sense, and because we hoped to shift the narrative.” Unfortunately, the shady nature of the house hasn’t exactly shifted, but has instead only become more shifty: “Strange things going on here,” she told us, “strange things.”

No pressure, but the coolness of your new house’s name determines how many people will come to your parties and prove how popular you are so name your house wisely. Just saying.